Cant find myself in this damn word!!!!

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Summer.Rain, Jul 18, 2015.

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  1. Summer.Rain

    Summer.Rain Well-Known Member

    So i thought im depressed because i sit at home all day long doing nothing, or i sit at home all day so that is why i am depressed...
    So i found a job, bought a motorcycle (love those!), bought a new laptop (wanted one for a long time), installed a new air cooler in my room,
    filled pretty much everything i wanted, sounds cool? not really....
    I then found myself depressed again, with no point in doing anything, nothing to fight for.... no hopes, no dreams...,
    So i decided that i want to start my own business, but i needed experience in business management, so i found a shop (im a sales man) where i could become a manager,
    but it was shit, the owner filled me with promises an empty words, and he was an asshole overall, so i said fuck it and i left.
    A day after that i found a new job, as executive manager in a small business, but the owner wanted me to do all the shitty job while he took his sweet time feeding on my ideas
    and energies, and here i am, wondering if i should say "fuck it" again and leave...
    I dont care about money, money never made me happy, i thought maybe some high quality job will make me happy, but nope... still not happy!

    I want to make a complete U turn in my life, hell i even thought about enlisting to the french legion army, or to run away to some distant tropical country
    and open a small bar on a beach, away from everyone and everything... but... i dont like people, and army, or a bar, its all about working with people :(

    IDK what aleas can i do...
    Maybe i should travel across the alps on foot, sort of "self discovery" thing?
    Damn it! :(
    I hate my life
    I hate my job
    I hate everything abut my life
    I hate my body
    And i hate this feeling i get when a meet a pretty girl and she smiles at me!!!
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