i dont know if this is where this belongs or not. but i cant deal with this pain anymore, im in love with one of my friends. and its killing me knowing that i can never have her as a gf. and i worry bout my friends on a daily basis cause im worried something bad is gonna hapen, and atleast once a day everyday im sitting by myself in the room lights turned off with a blade in my hands crying wishing to me free of this pain. and god i just wish that i could be up in heaven with kate right now. but i dont know why i cant bring myself to do it. but i do know that when i am ready i will be at peac . and will be able to do it with out regrets. god just please just fucking end it now. please.