Can't fool myself

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by RoseThorned, Oct 2, 2015.

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  1. RoseThorned

    RoseThorned Member

    I keep trying to be positive. However, I always end up finding myself returning to these thoughts. I know it's because they never went away in the first place. I keep trying, but I can't fool myself.

    I feel so alone, even when surrounded by others. I am tired. I am broken.

    Okay, there's the truth.
     
  2. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    A lot of people say they feel alone in a room full of people, is that depression or anxiety, what is it? I have even felt that way myself sometimes, feeling along in a class full of people or a pub full of people. It's a horrible feeling, I couldn't even tell if it anxiety or depression talking silently.

    I really feel for you, I'm here if you need someone.

    Try and do something nice for yourself to cheer yourself up :D
     
  3. RoseThorned

    RoseThorned Member

    I hate myself, hate what I've become. Everyone around me is so busy living and all I think about is wanting to die.
     
  4. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Have you told your doctor how you feel? Would you? It could certainly help you. If you hate yourself and want to die I don't see what you have to lose by getting yourself ''out there'' indulge in whatever type of help that is available to you.
     
  5. RoseThorned

    RoseThorned Member

    I am seeing a therapist, but she doesn't know the depth of my problem. I brought up my suicidal thoughts during the first session and she kind of just breezed over it. I felt awkward bringing up again. She thinks I am doing so good at being proactive and handling things.

    I don't know, maybe I just portray the person I wish I still was in front of her. Maybe I think somehow that will make me believe it too.

    I was an antidepressants before from my MD and they did nothing to make the thoughts go away, they just took away my ability to feel.
     
  6. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    You really need to let your therapist know how you are truly feeling otherwise they will not know how to treat you because they don't know what they are really treating. Maybe she just breezed over it because it was the first session, I would definitely bring it up with her again.

    The person you wish you still were, you can be again. You say you have tried anti-depressants, how many did you try? Did you give them a real chance to work? They take roughly 6-8 weeks to get into your system.
    Also, it can take a long time to get on the right dose of the right medications, it took me 7 years.

    I know it's hard, draining and dreary but you must keep trying and we will be here to support you all the way. Best of luck.
     
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