Can't get away

Discussion in 'After Effects' started by corbins, Aug 25, 2012.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
  1. corbins

    corbins Member

    I tried to kill myself a few years ago and since then I've stopped having those urges, for the most part. Lately, though, it's the only thing I dream about. Every night when I go to bed, I dream about what I did and how it felt and it's making me lose sleep. Sometimes I'm even afraid to sleep just because I don't want it to happen again. Does this happen to anyone else? Is this PTSD or just some morbid subconscious fixation?
     
  2. Throwmeawayout

    Throwmeawayout Active Member

    Corbins,

    I'm sure knowing that you actually attempted is a burden that you've been carrying since then. As to whether or not it's something like PTSD, a professional would be far more likely to help you with that.

    Do you want to tell us a a little more about the after effects of the attempt itself? Was it bad enough to be hospitalized? How did you feel in the weeks and months afterward? What kind of help recovering did you get?
     
  3. corbins

    corbins Member

    I wasn't ever hospitalized. I tried to OD and it just made me really sick for a little while. At the time, I was alone so there was no one there to help me anyways. I think that was the scariest part, knowing that there was no one to intervene if I changed my mind. I cleaned myself up afterwards and spent a few days alone. I never got professional help because the whole thing scared me so much, I knew I wouldn't do it again. I've had one or two friends who got me to tell them about It, but they don't feel comfortable talking about it so I've basically just tried to suppress it on my own.
     
  4. Throwmeawayout

    Throwmeawayout Active Member

    I'm glad you replied back. The fear of being alone without anyone to help is probably something that has lingered for you.

    Since you haven't sought out a professional, and have received less than empathatic responses from friends, I imagine this has caused the pain and fear associated with your attempt to stick with you.

    If you are in a place in your life where you would have the opportunity to speak to a therapist, I encourage you to do so. I believe you could stand to benefit a great deal from it.
     
  5. corbins

    corbins Member

    I would if I had the resources or opportunity but, as it is, I don't have much money to spare for a professional so I would have to tell my parents what happened. After a few years of hiding it from them, I don't imagine they would react too well. I'm no longer suicidal so i don't think it would be worth my parents estrangement :\
     
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.