Why is it that suicide is the only thought that gives me comfort ?? Why does every other avenue seem so long & too much effort ??? Why is it that I can't be bothered to do anything to help myself ?? I'm on meds & going to a counsellor tomorrow for the first time. Why do I not hate my wife for what she's putting me through ?? Why the hell do I still love her so deeply that I'd go back to her at the drop of a hat ?? I dont understand my feelings & neither does anyone else. I may get brief joy from watching sport or a good film but as soon as it's over I'm feeling low again. When I get low the suicide thoughts transport me to a place of comfort.