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Can't Get Over A Friend's Suicide.

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by Blockhead, Jan 28, 2013.

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  1. Blockhead

    Blockhead Member

    The most supportive and caring person in my life recently committed suicide and I just can't recover. We were close but the past few months I was in a bad mood and replying with one word sentences and just being distant. Before too long after that, I found out he had committed suicide. The pain I feel is something I couldn't have imagined in my wildest nightmares. It feels unreal, like you're trapped in a nightmare and just waiting to wake up. Every morning I want so badly to talk to him but then I realize he's gone forever. What hurts me the most is that I didn't get to say goodbye, or tell him how much I cared about him. After his death I realized how badly I need him. He always told me how much he cared about me, but I never told him how much he meant to me. The regret and guilt is killing me, and I can't get my mind off of him. I feel like I had a person who cared about me more than anyone else and I let him slip away. I thought I could handle anything because I've been through a lot without even wincing, but his death is just unbearable. I want to tell him how sorry I am and how much he meant to me, but it's too late, and now I feel like I'm suffering in the same way he did before he took his own life. The only thing keeping me from ending it is that I could never put someone else through this agonizing pain. Every day I regret my actions more and more, and the guilt is killing me. The only thing I want in this world is to have him back but it's not possible and I feel like I'm in a living hell, repeating the same sorrow and regret every day. The only person who could help me through this is gone. I think of myself as a rational person and nothing has been able to keep me down, but this is just something that can't be fixed.
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 28, 2013
  2. Blockhead

    Blockhead Member

    I just want to tell him how fucking sorry I am.
  3. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    I can so relate to your post i regret every day i did not reach out to my brother i just hate me I am sorry you are feeling that pain too hun I wish your friend got help It is not your fault hun his pain his sadness is what took him away hugs
  4. Mozart

    Mozart Well-Known Member

    You have to stop blaming yourself for his death as there can be no doubt that it had nothing to do with you. Its one of the sad things in life that we cannot see when people are about to think the way your friend did. ( We all talked for years in vain to my mother trying to prevent her from doing this and it did not work, which was,believe me, as bad as if one wouldn't have had the chance to say something ).
    You have to focus on your own life,you cannot ruin your existence because of this,that is the last thing your friend would have wanted.
    He obviously couldn't handle something anymore...very sad this,but outside your responsibility really. Stay strong and talk to us.
  5. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    Highsight is 20-20...if we knew what would happen, virtually all of us would do things differently...often times, our actions express the words we have not spoken...people know they are loved even when we do not tell them...although you cannot make changes to the relationship lost, you can move forward to forgive yourself, and maybe give to others so they are not in the same situation...so glad you found us and please continue posting
  6. Blockhead

    Blockhead Member

    Thanks everyone. I want to give more love to others so I never make this mistake again and I actually learn something from it, but he's the only one I've ever cared about so much and I don't think I'll ever have someone like him in my life ever again.
  7. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    When my best friend died, I thought I could not breathe again...20 years later, this old dog is still here, b*tching at everyone...there will be others, and yes, no one will be like him
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