The most supportive and caring person in my life recently committed suicide and I just can't recover. We were close but the past few months I was in a bad mood and replying with one word sentences and just being distant. Before too long after that, I found out he had committed suicide. The pain I feel is something I couldn't have imagined in my wildest nightmares. It feels unreal, like you're trapped in a nightmare and just waiting to wake up. Every morning I want so badly to talk to him but then I realize he's gone forever. What hurts me the most is that I didn't get to say goodbye, or tell him how much I cared about him. After his death I realized how badly I need him. He always told me how much he cared about me, but I never told him how much he meant to me. The regret and guilt is killing me, and I can't get my mind off of him. I feel like I had a person who cared about me more than anyone else and I let him slip away. I thought I could handle anything because I've been through a lot without even wincing, but his death is just unbearable. I want to tell him how sorry I am and how much he meant to me, but it's too late, and now I feel like I'm suffering in the same way he did before he took his own life. The only thing keeping me from ending it is that I could never put someone else through this agonizing pain. Every day I regret my actions more and more, and the guilt is killing me. The only thing I want in this world is to have him back but it's not possible and I feel like I'm in a living hell, repeating the same sorrow and regret every day. The only person who could help me through this is gone. I think of myself as a rational person and nothing has been able to keep me down, but this is just something that can't be fixed.