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Can't get thought out of my head.

No idea how to sort avatar pic. Sorry.

Got three kids. Should be an easy decision to stay. The older two will be fine without me. The youngest, would be devastated and won't cope. I think how easy just <Mod Edit: Methods> I've asked for help from CAMHS, from disability team, social services. But they are no help. Her daily verbal and physical abuse of me, it's not her fault, its part of her diagnosis. But theres no reprieve, no help. I love her so much, my heart breaks. She wouldn't cope without me. Everyone else would.

Need to get the thought out of my head but I can't.
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Sorry that you're going through this Urshy.
I've asked for help from CAMHS, from disability team, social services. But they are no help
There's some folks here that know quite a bit about the NHS. They may be able to help.

If you got assistance with providing care for your youngest daughter, would that be enough to make things managable? What level of assistance would you need?
A couple of hours a few times a week. She's not in school, nor home educating. I can't see how we are going to get from where we are, to a place where she is happy in school. So until then, she's at home with me. Her dad is around at weekends, but he's feeling it too atm. At times shes so lovely and happy. But the times shes not just feel so hard to deal with atm. I know it would be easier for him if he didnt have to deal with either of us. I told him, go live your life be free. I'd understand, no grudges. But I cant leave, she needs me to much it would destro her. I don't see a way out atm. Had violence in my childhood, and first relationship so it's all so triggering.
Its hard to talk.

Undiagnosed autistic parents. I assume. My daughter and I are on the spectrum. I'm the one breaking the cycle, would never hurt my daughter. I just feel it's so unfair that I will never have a time in my life where I'm not having to worry about other people's emotional outbursts. My daughter cant help it. I'm trying to teach her how to keep regulated, but inside it's so hard for me to stay regulated. I have to absorb all of her pain and stay calm no matter how hard she bites me or kicks me. I have to stay neutral through it all and keep reassuring her that I love her. But I have no outlet for my own emotions. I dont know where to take them. I've asked for help but it's just falling on deaf ears. I'm a year in with her being at home every day. I know I should feel lucky but I feel numb.
I cant post again tonight. My husband will be with me. Ive told him how I feel but he says he feels the same. But I have tried before, many years ago, so for me, it's not an abstract concept. Thank you for replying though.

So so tired

Well-Known Member
Hi @Urshy
First of all, sending you hugs
This sounds like a truly difficult situation to be in and I can feel how frustrated and isolated you feel.
I am sorry that do not have the answers for you but as an outsider looking in, you seem like a loving and kind mum who is struggling through a lack of support for you and your daughter.
I think you need to give yourself credit for getting through the past year which has clearly taken its toll.
I do not believe that your husband will be better off without having to deal with you both, that's not how it works.
Mum's are not immune to suicidal intent and you are not alone when talking about you both going together,however as someone that has had similar thoughts, it's not the answer.
I know you feel like your options are very limited and you are tired but I know you can get through this. Things are gradually improving with regards to the lockdown and I would hope more services could be restarted and available to you.
Could your daughter attend a special school if she doesn't already?
Can restbite care help, even if you pay for a few hours
What about charities with regards to any advice they could offer.
Unfortunately mental health services and social services are so overstretched atm and people are suffering as a result.
I really hope things improve for you, keep reaching out and talking, I know it doesn't help practically but please know you are not alone and have our support


Kangaroo Manager
SF Pro
SF Supporter
Hello and good to see you here, this can be a fine place to find a bit of comfort and advice to help you along your way.


stuck in place yet again
I'm sorry i cannot give words of advice either cuz i feel the same. a gorgeous dog, that loves me, a mom and sister yet I can't stay and I can't get it out of my head that I don't belong here


Staff Alumni
SF Supporter
Hi @Urshy and welcome here. Its sounds like you are feeling very isolated and burned out caring for your daughter with little help and support from official agencies or family. I suggest you try contacting Carers Trust, which is dedicated to caring for carers and has branches in many areas. They can offer information, help and support ranging from breaks from caring, to putting you in touch with other carers in a similar position, and even self-care/stress reduction courses and activitiies. They can also give grants to carers in some situations. You are also legally entitled to an assessment of your support needs as a carer by your local social services department, and I think you should discuss how to go about this with Carers Trust, who can help you prepare and advocate on your behalf. Carers are as important as those they care for and I hope you get a lot more support than you're getting now. Please don't give up just yet - you deserve much better than this *hug

Click to link: https://carers.org
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