I really cant do this anymore. I think its my time to go. Theres just too much to deal with. Internally and externally im falling apart. My therapist cancelled for today. Now i have to wait till tues. He made me make a contract that i wouldnt do anything to myself but that i would call him. But if i do he will put me in the hospital. I cant do that again. What the hell can i do? I just cant do this. If he tries to send me back i will do something to myself.