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Can't go on,death seems the best solution!

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Morbituarty, Jul 14, 2012.

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  1. Morbituarty

    Morbituarty Well-Known Member

    Hello all!won't be too long,didn't post anything for years coz I didn't know what to say.I'm 32,male, and I'm unemployed since April 28 2008 coz I've got a severe depression,I still live with parents and financially depending on them and they r retired.Here in my country retired people over 65 get about $63 each month as pension.We are living on bank savings as well.My dad has parkinson and arthrisis he needs medical treatment each day, needs help when he moves,can't walk by himself.Definitely I need to get a job,but the thing is that I've been to about 12 interviews(english and french) and failed all of them,I still haven't recovered from my depression,but I have to work!though I don't have any qualifications,experiences etc...I've been staying at home for over 4 years!Don't have friends and can't make friends also,4 years staying in my room,cut off from the real life,so why keep on struggling for nothing??My parents spent a lot of money for my studies,I'm really ashamed of myself,I didn't get my diploma,I'm just a waste,I'm useless,worthless and probably the most stupid person on earth!I don't even know why am I still alive and posting on this site.So,it has been decided,I'll end this miserable life this Monday, (mod edit methods)!Of course,that's the best solution,depression has already killed a part of me,my brain's fucked up. (mod edit methods) and do what would be best for me.I have insomnia too,I steal my dad's sleeping pills almost everyday to sleep at night and if I don't take the pills at night I sleep a whole day the next day.I'm sick of this pitiful life,I go running for 1 hr everyday,that doesn't make me sleep as well.Why carry on living a life with no future??I've worked part time during my 2years studies in Sydney.Sorry for this very long post,any advice please?
    Last edited by a moderator: Jul 14, 2012
  2. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    Hi David...you say you go running, is there anything associated with running that you can get your foot in the door? Running club? Running clothes? This is something you know and I find it is easier to interview for a job if you know something about it...if there a place for kids where you can help with a running program? Or physical training/education...you see my point...build on what you know and see what you can do with it...about your past studies and 4 years without employment...you did not say whether you have received services for your depression...that might be something else to explore...all the best
  3. sadhart

    sadhart Well-Known Member

    I just want to say I'm sorry for the way you feel, and I don't know if it's much comfort, but I am in the same boat as you are in some ways. I am 30 and I am a burden in my family. It's easy for me to say that you are not useless and worthless, but I don't think that's the case and i do mean that, even if i don't know you. The fact that you are here, opening up like this, as opposed to being vain and uncaring about wanting to have a job and a better position in life says that you are worth more than that. I feel like a hypocrite for telling you to not give up, because honestly, I think about giving up often. Just know that you are not alone, and that I hope things start to look up for you soon. Please continue to post here.
  4. lachrymose27

    lachrymose27 Well-Known Member

    Hi David. You do need a job under these desperate times. I know how it feels to be unemployed, without a good education, still living with your parents, over 30, feeling like a piece of shit. But even if you've gotten a job, you'd still be depressed. So, I feel you should seek out a psychiatrist so he/she can prescribe you meds that may help you cope with your depression. If the meds can help you feel happier, you may feel more confident and positive, then you can go to an interview without rejection on your face no doubt noticeable by the interviewers. Have you ever asked yourself what kind of job YOU want to do? You can always go back to school to acquire some job-related skills if you like, can afford to. But not having a diploma doesn't make you stupid. I graduated from school with a major I would never get a career in. Never even picked up my diploma, means nothing to me. Wasted 7 college years of my life in school because of constant switching. And guess what? I haven't gotten any smarter. But ask yourself this: Do you want to feel shame, like a useless worthless piece of shit forever? Suicide aside, what do you think you CAN DO to turn your life around?

    Thank you for posting. It's always good to read a thread I can relate to. It makes me think about my own life and how I don't want it to be any worse. Don't want to be any older and still feeling depressed. Even though I'm already "that guy". Life can still turn 180. That's something I must latch onto so I don't fall deeper into despair. As if there's hope. Not even, there's 100% chance that I can turn it around if I put in the effort. Plus, I think the meds have been helping me out lately. At least the suicide kit is collecting dust :)
  5. Morbituarty

    Morbituarty Well-Known Member

    No,we don't get free medical services for depression in my country,I go running just to kill time,nothing more,but thanks anyways.
  6. Morbituarty

    Morbituarty Well-Known Member

    I refuse to see psychiatrists,these assholes know they can make money on your head if you keep feeling depressed,I'm taking new mood stabilizers since 2 months now and I'm not feeling any better.Time is moving too slow and life is too long.Anyone with insomnia out there??wanna know other solutions besides sleeping pills and exercise coz I've tried both and they don't work.I've been through yoga classes too.
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