Can't go on like this

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Butterfly, Apr 29, 2012.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
  1. Butterfly

    Butterfly Pokémon Master Staff Alumni SF Author SF Supporter

    I can't live like this anymore. I can't cope with the constant sadness for absolutely no reason at all. I can't deal with the drastic mood swings. My heart has literally been ripped from my chest this evening. Everything I have ever done has been a waste of time. Might aswell not bother with anything anymore. It's all a waste of time. I have given every last thing I have, when I wanted to die I stayed alive for you. When we both had nothing I gave you everything, absolutely everything. No matter how badly you hurt me, I gave you another chance. I am burdened with the disease you gave me yet I feel no resent. Everything I ever gave you was a waste of time, for as long as I am like this, for as long as I can't feel happy, you will never feel loved. You deserve more, so much more than what I give you. I might aswell just slip away because I no longer have any purpose on this planet.
     
  2. youRprecious!

    youRprecious! Antiquities Friend

    Everything can be redeemed A M - that might sound strange language, but nothing is wasted and Everything Belongs. :)
     
  3. Lexi, :hug: don't give up.
     
  4. kmj221

    kmj221 Well-Known Member

    Lexi- we are here for you. stay strong! *hug
     
  5. MisterBGone

    MisterBGone Well-Known Member

    I'm really sorry to hear that you're going through such a rough time to-night.... I don't know if you're coming to the realization that this guy is not the best for you, or if you've rendered a different conclusion altogether, but giving your all to some one only to be rejected or less than equally reciprocated can feel like trash. Wretched, in fact! I hope that you won't beat your self up so convincingly though, over what might be misperceived efforts, on your behalf, to be a good person in this relationship. Heck, I'd give any thing to have some one care half as much about me as I do them. Perhaps he's been somewhat spoiled by your nature--& subsequently taken you and your gifts for granted? I don't know what to say, but I will tell you that whatever happened this evening is not the end of the world...even if it feels otherwise! Life goes on; & it will be a billion times better with you in it! Trust me: I can see just from your note what a wonderful, generous heart you have and an incredible, soaring spirit. If this friend cannot comprehend that; then maybe it's time to find a better friend? One that will recognize how lucky they are to have you in their lives...just a thought! :)
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Apr 29, 2012
  6. Butterfly

    Butterfly Pokémon Master Staff Alumni SF Author SF Supporter

    It's not the fact it's not reciprocated because it is. It is the fact that no matter how hard I try and no matter what I do, he doesn't feel like I love him because I have the inability to be happy and normal. Its such a blow when you really give it your all, even when you feel so shit you can barely carry on but you give it your best shot, only to fail miserably.
     
  7. Butterfly

    Butterfly Pokémon Master Staff Alumni SF Author SF Supporter

    Just been so upset today. Motivating myself at work has been extremely difficult. Fiance still says he can't see how what I'm showing him is love. Want to give up. There's just no point anymore.
     
  8. gloomy

    gloomy Account Closed

    Maybe someone should talk to your fiance and tell him to get his head straight. You've got a really good heart and I'm in awe of the sacrifices you've been willing to make… he shouldn't be guilting you. I do understand that it can be hard to deal with depressed people but you've given so much… I know I barely even know you but your story makes me so sad. Maybe he's just going through his own thing and it's making him say jerky things… I think sometimes before people get married they have jitters or whatever. He'll come around eventually…

    Just try to be open and perfectly clear about how you feel… really drive it into him, even if you feel like giving up. I really hope you get this sorted out, AM.
     
  9. deathangel101

    deathangel101 Well-Known Member

    lexi be strong i kno its hard but we believe in you
     
  10. Butterfly

    Butterfly Pokémon Master Staff Alumni SF Author SF Supporter

    We have been quite distant the past few days but we did talk a little last night. He is finding my behaviour and moods hard to deal with. And I have always understood that this I'd difficult and that he might need a time out sometimes. For the first time ever I had been honest with him about things, so I didn't have to keep things bottled up so perhaps I could get some more support but this backfired. I should have known it would end up badly. He says he won't marry me while I am like this. It upsets me because at this rate I will never get married cos I have a hunch it will always be like this. I have tried the whole getting help thing with doctors who are really disinterested for over a year and I'm now in a worse position than when I started. I feel well and truly stuck. I'm not quite ready to die, but I don't want to live either.
     
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.