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Can't go on without him

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Pheno_barbiidoll, Aug 29, 2008.

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  1. Before I say anything, I just want to say I don't want to die. I know I have a life ahead of me that I want to live... I just don't know how to let go of this......

    I have an addictive personality when it comes to people. I have always met a guy and fell for him within a day and then couldn't get over the guy. In 2006 I met who I thought was "the one" well we both treated eachother horribly. Cheated on eachother and everything. This lasted up until yesterday when he said he is leaving me. He's told me he was leaving so many times and then after a while he would always come back but this time I think he's serious

    And you know alot of the times we were together we would always fight but I knew that this relationship was something worth working on because once he started treating me right he was just the best guy. The best person to be around. I just couldn't stop being selfish. I couldn't stop taking my anger out on him when he hasn't done anything wrong in like a year. And now he's fed up with it. He's fed up with me and how I can't treat him like he should be treated.

    And I just feel like I can't go on. I can't be awake for 5 seconds without thinking of all of our pictures or the trip we just took or some kind of memory of him and I just break down again. I take tylenol PM to go to sleep and when I wake up I take some again.

    I seriously just don't know what to do. What if he really doesn't come back this time? What am I supposed to do? I need so much help. I just can't function without him. He fits together in my life and with my family so perfectly. I just want him back.

    But I've told him I am going to change so many times he just doesn't believe a word that I say anymore. He thinks I'm a lost cause and he's been waiting on me to change for 2 years he's completely lost faith in me.
  2. ItThing

    ItThing Well-Known Member

    So maybe you just need a break? That may be difficult but you've been dating for two years and it doesn't work, so you need some change, and it won't solve anything if he just comes back again. You should see if he wants to be just friends now, because then you can both have a while to calm down and think about stuff and when you're done the door is still open. A dysfunctional relationship is better than no relationship and you haven't lost him completely yet, so time would probably do you both some good.
  3. I honestly feel like I can't just be his friend. I think somewhere in my brain I know that this relationship isn't going to get better and we are just going to keep arguing. But I just don't want to admit it because I don't want to be without him. We both don't trust eachother and we both have huge jealousy issues. I stopped talking to pretty much all of my friends for him.. I just don't know how to let him go when I've built my whole entire world around him.
  4. ItThing

    ItThing Well-Known Member

    :sad: I know how you feel. I have a similar situation. But I'm just thinking, right now even if you had him back, it still wouldn't fix anything. Maybe it all made sense when he was around but you're still you, you know? What about other people, you can spend time with friends for now. And maybe it will work between you in the future, you never know, but like I said you need a break no matter what.
  5. i just feel so pathetic. I want to talk to him so bad so I call him knowing I have nothing to say, knowing he won't pick up and knowing that he doesn't want to talk to me. He's the only person I want to see or talk to. I know I sound so pathetic and I'm sorry. I just don't want to need him anymore. I know I need a break from him but I'm always worrying myself to death, worrying myself sick about what he is doing and who he is talking to. I am just so lost without him. Every single thing reminds me of him. Every thing I see or do I can relate to him in some way.
  6. I seriously seriously can't function right now. I don't know what to do at all I have made myself sick I'm so upset. No matter how many times he doesn't answer the phone, I still call. I need help. So bad
  7. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    You are going thru the stages of grief. 1st) will be grief 2nd) is anger, the rest I can't remember. I remember those two because my exfiance put me thru them. Then she wanted to get back together after she spent all our money and cheated on me. I thought about it for about 2 minutes and told her there is no f*****g way. that helped me get over her quick. It will probably take you thru more of the stages. I recommend you get a therapist to learn what the rest are...She/He can teach you coping skills also. There is help out there but you have to find it, and utilize it...Stay Strong!!!:chopper:!!!
  8. monkeypunchluff

    monkeypunchluff Well-Known Member

    You love him. Despite the trust issues, despite the fighting, despite everything.

    I felt the same way about my first love. We were horrible for each other, and it finally took her dumping me (she was stronger then me) before we were able to improve our lives. If you separate, it doesn't mean the end, he'll still be in your life. A break can give much-needed time to look into ourselves, and fix the problems that destroyed the relationship. Even if you never get back together, you can improve yourself, and create a happier life for your future.

    I would suggest calling some of your friends, and spending the night with them. The company really helps, and when you finally get some sleep, it'll help balance you a bit. This is where I was stupid. I kept calling her, instead of the few friends I had left. When I was completely alone, I attempted suicide. Not a great thing. Luckily, as I lay on the floor, I decided to live :/

    I strongly suggest, that no matter what happens, you confront the issues that created problems in your relationship. It can be upsetting, but with help, it can lead to a stronger relationship in the future.

    The stages of grief (Kubler-Ross model) is:
    Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, and Acceptance.
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