Can't go on

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Holmzeyno5, Mar 1, 2014.

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  1. Holmzeyno5

    Holmzeyno5 New Member

    I don't feel as I can go on anymore, I have always been a mouth breather all my life, which basically means I'm a retard, I've just failed all my mock examinations which I studied so hard for, I have all the symptoms and signs of dyslexia but my mum and dad are to embarrassed to even take that under consideration. I lost all my friends around 2 years ago, and I have been getting bullied by them ever since. I lost my auntie to cystic fibrosis and my uncle to cancer, however my uncle died on my birthday which is also 9/11. For obvious reasons I never want my birthday to come round. The one person keeping me going has just left me I've been with her for 2 years and she meant everything to me I can't get over it she helped me through my friend killing herself and through my mum having depression, I've been cutting for almost 3 years and have attempted suicide before but it didn't work which is all the more embarrassing. I've seen a counsellor but nothing helps I'm just never happy
     
  2. MisterBGone

    MisterBGone Well-Known Member

    You've certainly been through a great deal of hardship. I commend you on your willingness to fight through them all. The self-criticism on mouth breathing makes little sense to me. Perhaps you are being a bit harsh on yourself? Can you not go get help without the well wishes of your parents? That would seem a wise move to me. As you would get your answer, and/or find out that it's something else entirely. Have you seen anybody else besides a counselor? Like a medical doctor or a specialist who can prescribe medication? Good luck!
     
  3. flowers

    flowers Senior Member

    Hi. ( sorry this is so long and repetative). That's a lot of pain you wrote about. I am REALLY sorry. I am sorry that you have lost people in your life. So very sorry. I know what loss feels like. My brother died 7 weeks ago. I am also dyslexic. And I too suffer with depression and also anxiety. And more. So I know the pain of it all, from my own perspective and experience. I am so very sorry that the one person keeping you going has just left you. I can tell that she was a great support to you.

    I want to tell you that you have come to a great community. People here can say what they really feel. And no one will judge them. Its a great community. I hope you will post a lot. And find some great support here.

    As for dyslexia, some pretty brilliant people have it. And no they could not pass exams for sure. But that did not mean they were anything less than smart. Some were certifiably brilliant. e.g. Einstein. The way it was explained to me is that the brain compensates. If I have challenges in one area of the brain function, then I am more ept or gifted in another area of brain function. I think its just a matter of staying alive and identifying what it is. Seeing what you ARE good at. I was horrible at school. For more than one reason. Dyslexia being one of the reasons. And it felt horrible to not succeed at school. So I do understand that. I was finally tested when I was about 26 years old. I found out that I have a language disability. That is under the broad category of dyslexia. And then on top of that you grapple with depression. Of course that's made worse when you are not able to learn the way others do. I used to think I had "mental retardation" (A term that was acceptable when I was growing up in the olden days). And that my parents were just being too kind to tell me. In fact I had a lot of learning challenges. But many people in subsequent years have called me very intelligent and even brilliant (which is not true, btw :D). Its a matter of finding what you ARE good at. You already know the challenges. But you do not know the strengths yet.

    I hear ya when you say that you have seen a counselor but nothing helps. Even so, I am wondering what you would think of going back to a counselor. Even if it is a school counselor. Get tested for learning disabilities. See if you do in fact have dyslexia. And if so, there is help for it. More important, there are other things that people who are dyslexic are gifted at. Its a matter of figuring out what's going on and then to get help. If that feels right to you. Sadly you do not have parents to help you to get that assistance. But I am hoping a school counselor may work with you to find the help you need and deserve.

    Also, I hear you when you say that counseling did not help on an emotional level. But maybe if it had the right goal that would change. To figure out what's going on with the learning thing and then to work to find out what you really ARE good at. Success can bring hope. It feels good. There also are programs to help people who are dyslexic to help to learn how to navigate it, so to speak.

    You have found out what you are not good at. I am hoping you can find out what you ARE good at. I know my words are overly simplistic. And repetitive, ad nauseam. But still I wanted to give you hope that dyslexia is not about failure. Its about finding out where you are gifted. That's my opinion for what it is worth.

    And if you do not relate to a word I said, no worries. Just keep posting here. Thats the important thing. This community is great. It helps people to not feel so alone.
     
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