Can't go on

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by In Limbo, Feb 20, 2016.

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  1. In Limbo

    In Limbo Forum Buddy

    I can feel myself winding down - the world has got on top of me and it has won. I see no future only missed opportunities, regrets and feeling invisible - even when in the midst of loving family and friends.

    I am a defective human being doomed to suicide - it is all just a matter of timing.
  2. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Hi there, I am sorry you are feeling so down. You say you have missed opportunities but the irony is you will miss opportunities too if you end your life now. Please seek the help of a medical professional and see what they can come up with to help you (if already not seeing one). While you are alive there is hope, death will bring missed opportunities, I really feel for you, feel free to elaborate and let us know what is going on for you. Hugs ((hugs))
  3. In Limbo

    In Limbo Forum Buddy

    I already see a counsellor, we're about to start EMDR therapy but I'm running out of sessions with her and I don't know if I can cope with finishing therapy having learnt some things (or had them confirmed) without a definite sense of progress. Just another missed opportunity. I have standards for myself that are too high but I can't put them away to give myself a break. My parents are away for the next six weeks - I recently moved back in due to the house I was in being sold - the only thing that's definitely keeping me here is I don't think I could do it while they are out of the country.

    I'm so tired - everything is an effort. I have cerebral palsy and my walking and physical activity has deteriorated in recent times. At 27 I feel physically elderly. Until recently I never worried about being disabled - now it makes me angry and resigned by turns. I've given up hope of having any kind of relationship, any kind of future I envisage only seems lonely. I have lots of very good friends but I can't work out if I'm not reaching out or they're not reaching in. A lot of them know I'm a depressive and the last year has been awful, but I've disappeared from a lot of things lately and nobody's checked in.

    I have things to look forward to but I just have this sense that I will eventually suicide - and so what value do the good bits of the future have if they're not good enough to keep me here...

    And for some reason I can't cry. My depression has caused me terrible amounts of emotional distress, but no matter how much of a lump in my throat there is - I just can't get any kind of physical relief. This may seem small, but in some ways that's the worst part.
  4. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    I am really sorry to hear about your health issues, it cannot be easy, I am also 27. Can you start a new therapy after the EMDR is finished with? That would be ideal. Please do not harm yourself, things will eventually work themselves out and you can start afresh with the coping mechanisms and skills that you learnt in therapy. I hope you can do this, I believe in you.
  5. In Limbo

    In Limbo Forum Buddy

    I don't know what'll happen as therapy comes to a close, the NHS gives me a certain number - after that I don't know what happens. I really don't think I can do this any more.
  6. ThePhantomLady

    ThePhantomLady Safety and Support SF Supporter

    Can't you apply for more sessions when you clearly need it? Have you talked to your therapist or doctor about that?

    Don't give up on yourself hun *hugs* it sounds like there's a lot of stuff going on for you, and I'm sorry. But please try to make your issues clear to your doctor, make them see where you need help to cope with these things, that they are overwhelming you.

    Please take care of yourself, you deserve it!!
  7. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Can you talk to your doctor and see if there is anything else they can offer you? Maybe a different type of therapy?
    Music can help your thoughts and so can keeping yourself occupied. I hope things improve for you soon.
    Do you have any friends or family members you can talk to regarding your issues?
  8. In Limbo

    In Limbo Forum Buddy

    I don't know - I don't know if I have the fight to push for more sessions...feel like I'm something of a hopeless case anyhow.

    I have lots of supportive family and friends...I just feel invisible - when I reach out I get support - but I worry people too and it changes the relationship.
  9. Persephone2

    Persephone2 Active Member

    Please tell your therapist how you're feeling and that you want more sessions, but don't know if you have the fight in you to ask for more. I'm pretty sure the therapist has the prerogative to ask for more sessions when a client clearly needs them. They may be able to space out your last sessions further, so you won't have to go entirely without them. They may also be able to refer you to some other form of therapy or group support.
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