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can't go on

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by AST, Feb 12, 2011.

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  1. AST

    AST Member

    I wish I could offer some help to the people who are in distress but I am so tired. I feel like I have been running on empty for so long. I have been thinking more consistently about suicide since Christmas, although I have thought about it on and off for about two years. I have no one 'event' that's made me think like this - I am just so desperately lonely. I used to go to a tango class because I craved human physical contact but now I just can't afford it. I would gladly sleep around for the same reason but I wouldn't be able to cope with the rejection afterwards. My 'treat' is to take cocodamol until I fall asleep and I do this about once a month. About 3 weeks ago I kept taking more to 'top up' when ever I woke up and eventually I was out for quite a while. Now I keep thinking how lovely it would be for all of this to just go away. I can't stop thinking about the sense of peace and calm and still. I would so love a husband and a family but at 38 it's just not happening. I'm frightened how welcoming an overdose sounds and I'm aware that the 'pull' towards ending it all is a thought that is pretty much constant now. It feels like it's inevitable. Even writing this, I want to go and take them all and sleep forever.
  2. Julia-C

    Julia-C Well-Known Member

    I have on many occasions just hoped I could goto sleep and not wakeup. I don't think that way too often anymore. I don't know what changed, or how it changed. Maybe I just decided one day to just live life, to accept what I have and don't have. I honestly do not know what changed.
    I wish I knew what to tell you, to make you feel better. Just know you are welcome to PM me anytime you need to, or want to.
  3. may71

    may71 Well-Known Member

    hello and welcome to SF!

    hey, I think you can find some support here!

    if you want to say what country you are in and what your interests are, we might be able to help.

    sometimes newspapers have articles on free events around cities. I think, for example, universities have dance lessons and events that are open to the general public

    maybe you could also post in the relationship section of this site

    I love you and I hope that you feel better soon!!!!

    :hug: :hug: :hug:
  4. jxdama

    jxdama Staff Member Safety & Support

    you are among friends here. we understand.
  5. AST

    AST Member

    Thank you...it does help knowing that I am not the only one who finds life difficult and that it is possible to come out through the other side. It sounds like you understand the tiredness too and the appeal of an endless sleep. Thank you again. Take care xx
  6. AST

    AST Member

    You have no idea how that makes me feel...like I'm in free fall and then all of a sudden a safety net or a big pair of hands are shoved underneath
  7. AST

    AST Member

    Thank you - I will think about it
  8. Ravenwing

    Ravenwing Well-Known Member

    Oh sweetie. Massive :hug: to you.

    It has already been said, but at least here you have people who do understand and have either been where you are or are there still.

    You know, this is just a thought, but you could get a dance DVD and practice at home till you feel a little more confident. It might help.

    Pleaase don't think that 38 is too old to find someone either. I'm the same age as you and recently found a partner. My friend is having her first baby at almost 40. So you see? It can and does happen.

    Don't feel like you are alone. Feel free to drop me a PM if you need to talk.
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