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Can't go on

Discussion in 'Mental Health Disorders' started by awbryce, Feb 14, 2011.

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  1. awbryce

    awbryce New Member

    I don't have the energy or strength to keep going or to give myself "a kick up the ass" as I'm told to do. I'm lonely and isolated and nobody seems to understand. I have no patience for anyone or anything.

    I have no friends to talk to, well none that understand why I get angry when I'm trying to explain how I feel.

    My GP hasn't referred me to psych but has suggested I pay for counselling.

    I tried Citalopram but my experience of Anti-D's isn't good so I stopped them as the side effects were bringing me down more.

    I've suffered depression on and off for about 15 years, tried killing myself 3 times but couldn't even get that right.

    I have a plan that in 3 years when a financial comittment I have to someone is finished to kill myself. That gives me time to try and sort things out and if life doesn't get better on 28 Feb 2014 I kill myself. It will be paid for and organised, I don't want anyone to be at a funeral, I don't deserve it.
  2. Stormrider

    Stormrider Well-Known Member

    I think i understand how you feel.
    I kinda promised myself too that if i reached a specific age in a few years and things are still shit like now that i would end it so I wouldn't have to drag myself through this fucking miserable life anymore.
    I don't know yet if i will do it then or maybe i'll set up a new limit then.
    Only thing i know is that i want to live, there are just things in my life that i have been missing for years and i want to stay alive to be able to have them.
    Somedays (most if not every) it's hell and i get angry for the most stupid things.

    But if i can hang on in this shitty planet then someone else can too.
    Keep hoping things will get better and take it one day at a time.
  3. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    I too can understand those feelings, but you're giving yourself 3 years to die why not give yourself 3 years to find something to live for? we all have something to live for.
  4. awbryce

    awbryce New Member

    The thing is this is not a new feeling, I've felt like this for years and I've either lost sight of anything worth living for, or there really isn't anything worth living for, I suspect the latter.

    I feel completely surplus to requirements and a burden on everyone I know and on society generally.

    I really truly believe I'm better off dead. I've tried and am trying to find something worth living for but no luck yet, hence the 3 years timescale.
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