I don't have the energy or strength to keep going or to give myself "a kick up the ass" as I'm told to do. I'm lonely and isolated and nobody seems to understand. I have no patience for anyone or anything. I have no friends to talk to, well none that understand why I get angry when I'm trying to explain how I feel. My GP hasn't referred me to psych but has suggested I pay for counselling. I tried Citalopram but my experience of Anti-D's isn't good so I stopped them as the side effects were bringing me down more. I've suffered depression on and off for about 15 years, tried killing myself 3 times but couldn't even get that right. I have a plan that in 3 years when a financial comittment I have to someone is finished to kill myself. That gives me time to try and sort things out and if life doesn't get better on 28 Feb 2014 I kill myself. It will be paid for and organised, I don't want anyone to be at a funeral, I don't deserve it.