Can't go on..

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by CherieRose, Oct 15, 2011.

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  1. CherieRose

    CherieRose New Member

    I won't even attempt to detail or bore anyone with why i feel the way i do. I hve been here before, that is all i know. i know what "help" is available, and is never practical or without a waiting list, or some doctor or other belittling your feelings.. or tellig u to buy a book..or to join a group. the only nhs referral i ever got was wasted after i was told i had 6 wks max..whether i was healthy or not..that was my lot. I once told a doctor i hasd been suicidal, she prescribed me pills..but got me no help. They do not care, and I don't seem to be worth it. And ironically help has always ended because of prblems outwith my control..e.g redundancy etc.. redering me even more powerless to get the help when i need it most, because i am having to fund it myself! Rant over, but I am through and tired of hating myself and just WANTING to die, or wanting an absolution. I am 27, and maybe now is the time to join that "27 club".
  2. sadhart

    sadhart Well-Known Member

    I'm really sorry about how you feel...I know that sounds cliche, but I mean it. I'm sorry if I sound selfish, but I too know what it's like to feel that no one cares. I mean, whether it's family, or friends, or even the mental health system, it is one of the worst feelings when suffering in silence is a better option than running the risk of getting hurt more by uncaring people or worse.

    I feel hopeless for the most part too; im in my late 20's and some days, I feel like I am drowning in a sea of sadness and never ending pain. If that is similar to how you feel, or worse even, you know then you aren't alone. You came here because despite that darkness, you want to believe there is some hope to move towards, right? I mean that's why I come here....I looked for others for help and found nothing, and although this forum and the people here may not have all the answers, I feel they have shown a type of understanding and compassion you can't always find in even those closest to you.

    Please don't give up today...I would be lying if I guaranteed tomorrow will be better, but what little hope I do have, I would like to share it with you in the chance that maybe it will at least.

    I'm sorry if what I said didn't help or make much sense. I hope the pain you are feeling eases some.
  3. MouseSLP

    MouseSLP Member

    Hi Cherie
    You're not boring anyone, we're all here because we understand exactly how you feel - even though I'm bored with the way I feel and bored with the reason why I feel this way, I come here, because I know that there are people here who have been through and felt similar to how I feel - and I feel the way you do.... bored, lonely, helpless, worthless, pointless, and why don't I just end it? So I understand you.

    You talk of the NHS, so I guess you're UK... me too... and I have an experience that may help you. You say that you once told your doctor that you 'had been suicidal', and they offered nothing but pills - the forst time I reached out to my GP, explaining my thoughts of suicide and how desperate and low I felt, he prescribed pills (prozac) and advised that I consider counselling, as pills aren't a magic cure. I wasn't ready, so I took the pills initially, counselling came when I felt stronger.

    If you're looking for something more, I can only say that when I demanded an emergency appointement and told my GP how close I came to actually carrying out my suicidal thoughts, and that I still considered myself at risk (still actively suicidal) he placed an urgent referral with the Pcychiatric team. His actions saved me. The response was immediate and helpful, it's still continuing.

    My advice is, to see your GP immediately, tell her/him exactly how you're feeling, don't dress it up, don't do the British thing and down play it, tell them straight, and tell them you're asking for help cos you're scared - you know how bad things are and you're seriously thinking of ending it. The help is there, and they will give it, but you have to ask for it, they're not mind readers, you will be surprised at the compassion and understanding when you state your needs and ask for help clearly... I know I was... and I was so grateful that it was there, and continues to be there now.

    Please, hang on til Monday, see your GP as an emergency case, and state clearly how you're feeling, they will act, they will help, they do care, but you have to be clear.

    Take care
    Stay strong
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