I won't even attempt to detail or bore anyone with why i feel the way i do. I hve been here before, that is all i know. i know what "help" is available, and is never practical or without a waiting list, or some doctor or other belittling your feelings.. or tellig u to buy a book..or to join a group. the only nhs referral i ever got was wasted after i was told i had 6 wks max..whether i was healthy or not..that was my lot. I once told a doctor i hasd been suicidal, she prescribed me pills..but got me no help. They do not care, and I don't seem to be worth it. And ironically help has always ended because of prblems outwith my control..e.g redundancy etc.. redering me even more powerless to get the help when i need it most, because i am having to fund it myself! Rant over, but I am through and tired of hating myself and just WANTING to die, or wanting an absolution. I am 27, and maybe now is the time to join that "27 club".