Hi Cherie
You're not boring anyone, we're all here because we understand exactly how you feel - even though I'm bored with the way I feel and bored with the reason why I feel this way, I come here, because I know that there are people here who have been through and felt similar to how I feel - and I feel the way you do.... bored, lonely, helpless, worthless, pointless, and why don't I just end it? So I understand you.
You talk of the NHS, so I guess you're UK... me too... and I have an experience that may help you. You say that you once told your doctor that you 'had been suicidal', and they offered nothing but pills - the forst time I reached out to my GP, explaining my thoughts of suicide and how desperate and low I felt, he prescribed pills (prozac) and advised that I consider counselling, as pills aren't a magic cure. I wasn't ready, so I took the pills initially, counselling came when I felt stronger.
If you're looking for something more, I can only say that when I demanded an emergency appointement and told my GP how close I came to actually carrying out my suicidal thoughts, and that I still considered myself at risk (still actively suicidal) he placed an urgent referral with the Pcychiatric team. His actions saved me. The response was immediate and helpful, it's still continuing.
My advice is, to see your GP immediately, tell her/him exactly how you're feeling, don't dress it up, don't do the British thing and down play it, tell them straight, and tell them you're asking for help cos you're scared - you know how bad things are and you're seriously thinking of ending it. The help is there, and they will give it, but you have to ask for it, they're not mind readers, you will be surprised at the compassion and understanding when you state your needs and ask for help clearly... I know I was... and I was so grateful that it was there, and continues to be there now.
Please, hang on til Monday, see your GP as an emergency case, and state clearly how you're feeling, they will act, they will help, they do care, but you have to be clear.
Take care
Stay strong
Mouse