Ive had suicidal thoughts for about a year now. They haven't ever really gone away. But I realize now that they were just that, thoughts. What I'm experiencing now is completely different. I feel so close to the edge now that I'm really scared. I can't go back to the hospital because I've gone in so many times when I was just having bad thoughts. I'd hate to show my face there again. I felt at the time like I was in danger but now I know what danger really feels like. I'm stuck.