Cant handle it anymore

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by PandorasToybox, Jan 28, 2012.

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  1. PandorasToybox

    PandorasToybox Well-Known Member

    There's no more relief anymore :( I have nobody to talk to. I go to college everyday with a smile on my face and pretend like everything is ok. Lately Ive been missing classes and of course people think the worse of you, students and instructors. Sometimes I can't even bring myself to plant a fake smile and then the instructor starts trying to make me smile. Its like no matter how crappy I feel I'm supposed to smile... Theres so much shit and drama going on.. I can't deal anymore... Ive tried so hard but with everything thats happening, I don't want to be here anymore. Every day it just gets worse...
     
  2. Butterfly

    Butterfly Pokémon Master Staff Alumni SF Author SF Supporter

    Sometimes we just cannot smile, and it's okay to not want to. I am sorry to hear you are feeling bad, can you share with us what is going on? Willing to listen :hug:
     
  3. PandorasToybox

    PandorasToybox Well-Known Member

    :( There's so much pressure for me to do well in college, but its been really difficult because I have learning problems which makes me slower than other students and epilepsy which can cause me to feel sick and not be able to work as quickly some days. Other students don't get it and therefore give me a hard time, same with instructors. Add to that I found out recently in a family scandal that my biological father isn't actually my father meaning that my adoption wasn't legal and that my life could have been avoided, the abuse, the confusion, everything. But now I have to deal with everyone fighting because nobody is talking to each other and they all go through me because somehow this is my fault and I have to fix it. And I can't take anymore. I can't handle it. None of it. I can't take a break anymore because I can't go home because of my creepy step-father... omg this is so fucked up!!!!!!!!!!!!!! UGH!!!!!
     
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