Can't handle life rn

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by badlife, Jun 16, 2016.

  1. badlife

    badlife Active Member

    I have had really bad luck since Feb when I relapsed back into drugs and I lost the girl of my dreams which hurts the most. Got an order of protection against me BC my sister hit me sent me to the hospital and claimed I've been beating her half to death since the day I was born. Lost my job became homeless march 26. Also got more charges on my stack of charges BC I was blacked out and did a list of stupid shit. I'm at a loss for what to do all I care about is the fact I lost the girl of my dreams she still talks to me but I just want it to be some what like it use to everything works out as long as I'm with her
     
  2. Rockclimbinggirl

    Rockclimbinggirl SF climber Staff Member Safety & Support

    *hugs* Are you staying somewhere safe right now? What about community organizations that might be able to help with job/housing?
     
  3. badlife

    badlife Active Member

    At a friend's rn I just got back to my hometown in new York from trying to get help down in Florida which didn't work out
     
  4. badlife

    badlife Active Member

    The feelings of hopelessness is getting worse my lawyer nearly got me thrown in a state psychiatric hospital for the rest of my life yesterday...
     
  5. Freya

    Freya Loves SF Staff Member ADMIN

    Maybe you can get some court mandated (and thus paid for) rehab - if you demonstrate that you want to get off drugs (and actually get off drugs) then you might be on the right track forward. I think you need to consider the link between you starting to take drugs again and the 'bad luck' that you have been having. Of course, you will only get clean if you want to, but if I were you, wanting to win back the girl of my dreams, I would start by proving to her that you are stable and safe and she does not have to worry about you blacking out and attacking her or whatever else you might do when you are not in control.
     
  6. badlife

    badlife Active Member

    I know that when I do black out I either harm myself or just ball out crying last time I saw her I apparently did a shitload of drug and went unconscious that's what she told me at least and from what I can figure she ended up hiding the remainder of the drugs so I wouldn't end up doing them and ending up in the hospital at that point for like the 9th or 10th time in a month. She was happy when she heard I was at rehab BC I do a lot of stupid shit when fucked up
     
  7. badlife

    badlife Active Member

    Idk how to cope with the fact I relapsed on what would have been my 30th day clean and I keep getting cravings for what I relapsed to
     
  8. Rockclimbinggirl

    Rockclimbinggirl SF climber Staff Member Safety & Support

    Tell yourself you can still do it. You can still keep yourself clean.
     
  9. DrownedFishOnFire

    DrownedFishOnFire Quieta non movere

    Foremost you need to heal yourself first. It is not healthy pattern for you. This girl you seem to care the most about what about keeping your goal and focus on improving issues in your life first as it seems she does care about you and is your advocate. Just focus on the healing and move on from those bad decisions, we are humans and are allowed to mess up.
     
  10. badlife

    badlife Active Member

    Well I ended up in rehab from July 8th to August 28th and got back to my and my life is worse then before. My sister is now using threatening my parents by telling them she's going to send me to jail if she doesn't get what she wants. I ended up relapsing a day or 2 after she decided to start doing that. Now she's saying I'm not allowed to talk to anyone otherwise I'm never moving back into my parents house. My father is telling me I have to listen to everyone of her commands. Got into a bad car accident on Sept 2nd may need some surgery to repair my hand but I have to live on the streets till she allows me back in my parents house.
     
  11. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Hello @badlife May I ask how old your sister is and why she is behaving the way she is? Seems a bit irrational and bizarre. I'm sorry to hear that you lost the love of your life. Maybe the relationship will reconcile if you get yourself in a better place. So sorry to hear what you are going through currently but keep in mind that SF will never turn its back on you :)
     
  12. DrownedFishOnFire

    DrownedFishOnFire Quieta non movere

    Maybe contact your rehab place for referral to a halfway house so you can start focusing on your self-independence without threats hanging over your head.
     
  13. badlife

    badlife Active Member

    Ended up relapsing, and attempted suicide still homeless but the stuff with my sister is finally settled and just waiting for stuff to be done to my parents house but unsure when everything is going to be complete