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can't handle my emotions

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by justastrangegirl, Nov 2, 2013.

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  1. justastrangegirl

    justastrangegirl Well-Known Member

    I thought I was getting better, trying not to think about the past and all those people who pushed me slowly into this dark hole, but I was so wrong.

    Last night I was on skype with a friend from Brazil, and he invited me to play this online game called League of Legends, so I downloaded the game and was so excited to finally be part of something, or that finally someone wanted to talk to me. Again, I was so wrong. Gabriel (my "friend") invited his friend to our skype call, so I talked to both of them, and when I told them to hang on for a sec, they obviously thought I was gone, so they began to make fun of me. Gabriel said I was boring, and then started imitating the way I tried to speak portuguese and both of them laughed a lot, and wouldn't stop. Needless to say I was crying my eyes out.

    Apparently he noticed I overheard them, so started to write me on facebook, whatsapp, asking why wasn't I answering them. I just told them a friend came over and that I forgot.
    Today, he's strange. I wrote him and he barely replied. I know, I'm masochistic, but I actually loved talking to him, I felt appreciated, I seriously don't know where everything went wrong.

    Until now I can't stop crying, and it's not only because of this, it's a mix of bad memories, broken illusions and disappointments. I can't stop thinking that I have no luck at all, and I'm tired of being here, I just don't want to keep doing this anymore; nothing's getting better, I'm not moving forward, I just keep on falling deeper and deeper in a hole of despair and depression, and honestly, I'm tired of fighting, of trying to be positive.

    Like I said, I just want to stop existing :'( :'( :'(
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    i am sorry they made fun of you hun they are the ones with the problem not you they are very immature and ignorant You are better off not having friends like them There are good people hun hang out here ok you will see no one will harm you here hugs to you
  3. JmpMster

    JmpMster Have a question? Message Me Staff Member Forum Owner ADMIN

    I am sure it was painful and I am sorry. May want to consider giving your friend a chance. Maybe when he tried to introduce you to his other friend his other friend made some rude remarks and he just played along - it is not fair or nice, but it happens often. The old friend is jealous and at first opportunity tries to play the spoiler and your friend is caught in the middle. Maybe he is just a not nice person-I do not know- but maybe he is just like most of us and does not have enough friends to risk losing one and made a bad choice.
  4. flowers

    flowers Senior Member

    I am SO sorry this happened to you. If it were me, it would feed right into bad feelings I already have about myself.

    I hope you can speak with the person from Brazil. Let him know how you feel. See what he says. I am not sure that is possible. But to at least have the opportunity to let him know how that felt. And to hear his response. That may be too frighting. And if so, I understand.

    I let other people define who I am. I think so poorly about myself that when they define me in a negative way, I believe it and then even augment it. So it makes things so very difficult. :hug:
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