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Can't hold on much longer

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by iteratiousitatus, Jan 9, 2012.

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  1. iteratiousitatus

    iteratiousitatus New Member

    My depression has gotten unmanageable, and I don't have anywhere left to turn. So I'm here.

    I've tried every treatment under the sun--meds, therapy, diet, exercise, hospitalizations, even ECT. Nothing works. My family hates me, my therapist fired me because she doesn't know how to deal with my PTSD and dissociation, and my psychiatrist keeps telling me he doesn't know what to do with me. My family has told me that this is my last chance to get my crap together, and before the end of this year they're going to cut me off financially. That will leave me homeless--I get disability, but it's not nearly enough to cover housing, and the waiting list for subsidized housing is closed because it's too long. I have no friends--the few I have, I lost when I broke up with my boyfriend.

    I want to have a life. I have dreams and goals...but no realistic way of achieving them. I keep asking for help, but all I get is "Oh, you just have to keep looking for the light at the end of the tunnel." That's just patronizing, not actually helpful. So I've stopped even trying to tell people how bad it is.

    I just don't think I can keep holding onto nothing for very much longer. I'm suicidal all the time. I don't know what else to do.
  2. liferules74

    liferules74 Member

    I know how frustrating it is to hear "just snap out of it" by people who just don't understand. It's not helpful at all. I know your situation very well. Everything feels very hopeless and it feels like the whole world is against you. I don't know how long ago you broke up with your boyfriend but that is very traumatic when you don't feel you have anyone in your life who understands you.

    Sometimes it helps me to get out of myself by going to a support group. When you don't feel that you have support that can help a lot. So by coming to this website and expressing yourself I have to commend you. You are awesome for caring enough about yourself to get on here and talk about how you feel. You should be proud of yourself. I have a feeling that there are a lot of supportive people on here who do care about you.

    As for your psychiatrist not knowing what to do with you... perhaps it's time to try to find a new doctor who does know how to treat you. If the therapist you are working with does not click with you then find someone new. It makes a huge difference when the doctors you have fit you and actually help. Unfortunately the burden of finding someone good is on you if there is not enough support. Mainly I want you to know that this feeling will eventually pass with help...

    When you are feeling at the end of it sometimes that means it's time to try something different or to perhaps make some big changes in your life. Sometimes it's helpful to act the opposite of your emotions. If you feel miserable and you feel like lying in bed for hours it might be a good time to get up and go for a walk.... it might be difficult but it helps you feel like you are in control of your destiny. It can help to do something outrageous so that you feel silly and outside of your norm.

    I know that part of what I have experienced in a similar situation to yours is that I felt like I had no control of your life. So I suggest taking control by doing something different.

    I wish the best for you and I do care about you. You can make it through this...
  3. iteratiousitatus

    iteratiousitatus New Member

    I'm working on finding a new psychiatrist, but honestly I don't think there is anyone who will know anything else--I've been to the best-ranked psych hospitals in the country already. My nurse wants me to see an integrative medicine specialist to look for alternatives to try, but my insurance won't cover it. We're trying to find other options, but so far we're not getting anywhere.

    As for a new therapist, well, I've been working on that for nearly two months. I have complex PTSD and DID, and most therapists don't have the experience to treat those issues. I managed to get the names of four therapists. Two don't take my insurance, one isn't taking new patients, and the fourth hasn't returned phone calls. The one who's not taking new patients was going to try to find me names of other therapists I could try, but so far I haven't heard back from her, either.

    I don't know what else/different I can do, at this point.
  4. liferules74

    liferules74 Member

    I wish I had all the answers for everyone frustrated with their insurance and psychiatrists. I just know that it's a struggle. From my own experience I found the greatest help was from support from others. What I have learned is that there are always different things to try. Personally my best support is ideas to cope with anxiety which is part of ptsd. It can help to focus intently on your surroundings when you are feeling terrible... A friend I have called it the "right now game" where you feel the floor under your feet and to look at things around you and to spend your attention on stuff around you rather than on your anxiety... you do this until a bad feeling lessens or passes. What I am saying is stick around for a while ask a few questions and you might find different things to try in order to help you cope until you do find the right therapist/psychiatrist that do help.

    I know one person who seemed very hopeless as far as doctors. They ended up getting DBT therapy and that helped them and that was the only thing that helped them.

    I know that we tend to want to feel better right now... we want to be better right now... sometimes you have to take life moment by moment but there are good moments in life that are worth it.
  5. Viro

    Viro Well-Known Member

    If your current therapist isn't helping, even a transfer to someone else of a similar level of help might make you feel less unhappy about the situation and put more effort into at least trying to understand and less into saying things like "I don't know what to do with you".
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