can't keep fighting

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by thmja, Jul 11, 2016.

  1. thmja

    thmja Member

    White knuckling, trying to hold on. I'm not gonna live til I'm old.
     
  2. lifetalkz

    lifetalkz Well-Known Member

    Forgive me for being ignorant but-what does that mean . . . "I'm not gonna live til I'm old?
     
  3. thmja

    thmja Member

    Oh its ok,
    I meant, I'm gonna take my life before I grow old.
    I don't see myself growing old
     
  4. lifetalkz

    lifetalkz Well-Known Member

    I was exactly the same when I was in my teens-I swore that I would kill myself before I turned forty. I'm 53 now and I'm a lot smarter than I was when I was in my teens and in my forties. I'm sorry that you're struggling (white knuckling it)-I'll be thinking of you today and wishing that your load gets lighter:)
     
  5. Huw

    Huw Well-Known Member

    Was that is misquote of this line from My Generation?

    People try to put us d-down (Talkin' 'bout my generation)
    Just because we get around (Talkin' 'bout my generation)
    Things they do look awful c-c-cold (Talkin' 'bout my generation)
    I hope I die before I get old (Talkin' 'bout my generation)
     
  6. Huw

    Huw Well-Known Member

  7. thmja

    thmja Member

    Thanks lifetalkz :) I hope I can hold on longer....
    Huw, nah, just what I was thinking at the moment-- no reference to the song, although a very good song
     
  8. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Hi there, what do you feel you could change or do to make your life at least a bit more tolerable? I hope you live 'til your old and you can do it. You will get past this crappy stage of your life and move on to new things. I wish you all the best :)
     
  9. thmja

    thmja Member

    I want to tansition (FtM) but that would hurt my loved ones so I will just take all of the suffering and hold it in. I dont want others to hurt.
     
  10. TheNobodies

    TheNobodies Member

    Have you considered talking to a therapist about the transgender issue? I think getting over it might help you move on to a more positive life.
     
  11. thmja

    thmja Member

    Yeah I am seeing a therapist now and do talk with her about that issue, hopefully in the future I will be able to live how I feel, but it is just not possible at this point in time. I stay optimistic about my possible future transition though
     
  12. TheNobodies

    TheNobodies Member

    No I meant talk to the therapist so you can stop wanting to be a transgender. It's a lot of nonsense and can place unnecessary strain on your mind. I think you need to learn to be happy with who you are. Just my 2 cents. I spent the majority of high school and some college wanting to be female, which I was able to get over after psychiatric counseling.
     
  13. thmja

    thmja Member

    Umm I don't want to stop wanting to transition. It is who I am. I am a man, inside, my thoughts, feelings, everything inside is male. Just need to match the outside with the inside sometime here in the future, and that is hard to deal with in the meantime. Thanks for your 2 cents though.
     
  14. TheNobodies

    TheNobodies Member

    That's the problem
     
  15. Briansmuller

    Briansmuller Member

    If you really need an FTM surgery, then go ahead. Don't bother about the society. Be positive.