I think I'm about to give up. I'm so alone and this pain that is crippling me. Every one around me would be better off without me. I'm nothing anymore. I want my kids to have a role model they can be proud of, one that can take care of them and help them. I can't even help myself. Nobody has any interest in me. My own girlfriend is avoiding me because I'm so worthless and uninteresting. No wonder she despises me so much. I just want the pain to go away now. I can't continue feeling this way anymore. I've fought this for years now but it's won. I accept I deserve to die now. As selfish as it is I feel like everyone will be better off then. If be forgotten about quickly and that's what I want. People in my life deserve better then me
Can't keep going like this any more
- Thread starter Graydays
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Hi graydays, welcome to the forum. I'm sorry u are in so much pain to find us but the is a tremendous place for support. No one will judge here and everyone is very kind. We all know what it is like to be so down. We can talk about those things here and we understand.
I want u to know your kids would not be better without u here and it would damage them substantially. And they will never forget. Please reconsider.
Have u ever sought help for depression? This should be considered at the very least. Meds and therapy help so many ppl and some recover fully. There is treatment so u don't have to remain in this suffering.
U do not have to be alone in these feelings anymore. We really do care here and will help u in any way we can. We are here for u.
I want u to know your kids would not be better without u here and it would damage them substantially. And they will never forget. Please reconsider.
Have u ever sought help for depression? This should be considered at the very least. Meds and therapy help so many ppl and some recover fully. There is treatment so u don't have to remain in this suffering.
U do not have to be alone in these feelings anymore. We really do care here and will help u in any way we can. We are here for u.
Hi dawn
I've been in therapy for over two years now. Been on meds but get afraid. I don't know why but I always give up on them. Lock myself away from everyone. I use to be confident and outgoing with a lot of friends. Now I've disconnected with everyone around me and because of that feel incredibly alone. I've hid my depression for a very long time. Even those that were close to me. Nobody knew, nobody knows. I just can't take this feel8ng of pain anymore. I don't even know why I'm here to be honest. I just want someone to understand me. I feel like I can't do this alone, that I literally need someone holding me hand the entire way. I don't know why I'm like this. I just don't want to feel any emotion at all anymore, nothing. I want to just switch off from everything. That's why I've thought about suicide again. I've tried before and I couldn't even get that right. I know it would hurt my family but I just don't know what to do anymore. I can't afford therapy anymore. The system just swallows you up and I'm just lost. I'm hurting so much but can't physically talk to anyone. I don't even understand why I'm like this so don't know where to begin to solve this. I'm just tired and don't want to fight any more. It's too hard to fight. I know my girlfriend is about to leave me. Why would she stay with someone that can't even protect her. I just have no self worth and no self interest anymore. I'm sorry to go on and on. I knkw thwres people on here that are worse off than me
I've been in therapy for over two years now. Been on meds but get afraid. I don't know why but I always give up on them. Lock myself away from everyone. I use to be confident and outgoing with a lot of friends. Now I've disconnected with everyone around me and because of that feel incredibly alone. I've hid my depression for a very long time. Even those that were close to me. Nobody knew, nobody knows. I just can't take this feel8ng of pain anymore. I don't even know why I'm here to be honest. I just want someone to understand me. I feel like I can't do this alone, that I literally need someone holding me hand the entire way. I don't know why I'm like this. I just don't want to feel any emotion at all anymore, nothing. I want to just switch off from everything. That's why I've thought about suicide again. I've tried before and I couldn't even get that right. I know it would hurt my family but I just don't know what to do anymore. I can't afford therapy anymore. The system just swallows you up and I'm just lost. I'm hurting so much but can't physically talk to anyone. I don't even understand why I'm like this so don't know where to begin to solve this. I'm just tired and don't want to fight any more. It's too hard to fight. I know my girlfriend is about to leave me. Why would she stay with someone that can't even protect her. I just have no self worth and no self interest anymore. I'm sorry to go on and on. I knkw thwres people on here that are worse off than me
Hello, Graydays.
Before you read any further I would like to reassure you that you do, in fact, have worth. And I know that this coming from a guy called Antihope is kinda counter-intuitive but just hear me out, okay?
Even the fact that you've come this far, and realized that you need help enough to seek it is admirable. Most people who are suicidal refuse to seek help under the assumption it will make things worse for them and their loved ones, but this isn't always the case. Take right now for example. You're letting your feelings out, and believe it or not that takes real strength and conviction. You are not weak, you are not unloved, and you are not worthless.
Even though you don't know these people you're talking to right now, you're willing to vent to them and they're willing to listen. This is a mutual trust and love, not just in understanding but also in a general care for humanity. There are people out there that will make you feel awful, make you feel worthless, but if you look past them, you'll find people who care. And not some generic, insincere type of care, they really care. And they understand. I mean, take a look around. Everyone on this site has their own demons, and some may be better while some may be worse, but everyone is willing to help others to make things better. Because they care.
And you might think the world is better off without you. Believe me, I tell myself the same thing every day. But the truth is, if you die, the world loses one of the most caring, kind and loving people to ever exist. And in a world where true care and love is slowly but steadily giving way to greed and betrayal, this is invaluable.
The point is, Graydays, there are people who love you. Even if you don't know them, they care. And they always, always want to help you.
You are worth the world.
Because you care.
And don't let anyone or anything stop you from caring, okay?
You can do it. Even if you don't have faith in yourself, we'll have faith in you enough for all of us.
Before you read any further I would like to reassure you that you do, in fact, have worth. And I know that this coming from a guy called Antihope is kinda counter-intuitive but just hear me out, okay?
Even the fact that you've come this far, and realized that you need help enough to seek it is admirable. Most people who are suicidal refuse to seek help under the assumption it will make things worse for them and their loved ones, but this isn't always the case. Take right now for example. You're letting your feelings out, and believe it or not that takes real strength and conviction. You are not weak, you are not unloved, and you are not worthless.
Even though you don't know these people you're talking to right now, you're willing to vent to them and they're willing to listen. This is a mutual trust and love, not just in understanding but also in a general care for humanity. There are people out there that will make you feel awful, make you feel worthless, but if you look past them, you'll find people who care. And not some generic, insincere type of care, they really care. And they understand. I mean, take a look around. Everyone on this site has their own demons, and some may be better while some may be worse, but everyone is willing to help others to make things better. Because they care.
And you might think the world is better off without you. Believe me, I tell myself the same thing every day. But the truth is, if you die, the world loses one of the most caring, kind and loving people to ever exist. And in a world where true care and love is slowly but steadily giving way to greed and betrayal, this is invaluable.
The point is, Graydays, there are people who love you. Even if you don't know them, they care. And they always, always want to help you.
You are worth the world.
Because you care.
And don't let anyone or anything stop you from caring, okay?
You can do it. Even if you don't have faith in yourself, we'll have faith in you enough for all of us.
I'm so sorry to hear you feel so much pain and are tormented with such bad thoughts about yourself. I wish you could see that they are not true but symptoms of the serious life threatening illness which its holding you in its powerful grip. I'm also sorry that you can't afford the therapy you deserve to help you get better, but please go back to your doctor without delay because the right med at the right dose can take away or at least reduce the pain to bearable levels and give you the strength to cope until you are able to find a way to change things for the better in your outer life. Meds save many lives.
Please don't give into the thought that anyone would be better off if you were dead because that is the biggest lie of all - every suicide is a heart breaking tragedy which increases the pain in this world and losing you this way would devastate your family. You are loved and are worth more than you realize at the moment. Your mind is clouded by the disorder in brain chemistry which is depression, and you're not thinking straight. You need medical help to restore your brain chemistry to healthier levels. Please don't let breaking the hearts of those who love and care about you, and whom you love, be your final act. It doesn't have to be that way if you just reach out and ask for help.
Please don't give into the thought that anyone would be better off if you were dead because that is the biggest lie of all - every suicide is a heart breaking tragedy which increases the pain in this world and losing you this way would devastate your family. You are loved and are worth more than you realize at the moment. Your mind is clouded by the disorder in brain chemistry which is depression, and you're not thinking straight. You need medical help to restore your brain chemistry to healthier levels. Please don't let breaking the hearts of those who love and care about you, and whom you love, be your final act. It doesn't have to be that way if you just reach out and ask for help.
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Hi antihope and lara
Wow.....just wow. Thank you so much for what you have just said to me. I'm a little overwhelmed that people that don't even know me can be so kind and say things that even the people closest to me can't say. I really do appreciate what you said. I'm actually a bit emotional that after feeling as low as I do there still are people in the world that can reach out without wanting anything in return. I may only have been on this site for a few hours now but I totally get why people come here. The words you guys have to say, the wisdom you share is invaluable for people in situations like mine and nearly everyone that has come here. I just want to say from the bottom of my heart, thank you
Wow.....just wow. Thank you so much for what you have just said to me. I'm a little overwhelmed that people that don't even know me can be so kind and say things that even the people closest to me can't say. I really do appreciate what you said. I'm actually a bit emotional that after feeling as low as I do there still are people in the world that can reach out without wanting anything in return. I may only have been on this site for a few hours now but I totally get why people come here. The words you guys have to say, the wisdom you share is invaluable for people in situations like mine and nearly everyone that has come here. I just want to say from the bottom of my heart, thank you
I'm glad you're feeling better. You really are worth more than you know. Yeah.....maybe we are lucky. Although as much as your kind words have really touched me. This kinda feels like a bit of a dream. That although for the first time in a very long time I feel I'm speaking to people that actually understand me. I still have to wake up tomorrow and face the world. That thought terrifies me. Back to reality and it's reality that I am really struggling with a lot right now. I want to be strong, I want nothing more. It's just the toughest thing I've had to do and to keep going is something that just fills me with dread. The kind of dread that out weighs pretty much all of the good I have in my life. I'm trying to study a degree in psychology to become a counsellor but I can't even help myself let alone others so I keep feeling what's the point. The night is dark and full of terrors but even the days are just as dark right now
The world is a rough place, it really is. It's filled with dark, shadowy terrors that haunt you at every turn. But even so, there is a light. Smaller for some and larger than others, but never not there. It's like your shadow, it follows you always. I like to call it conviction, others call it conscience or even common sense. But that light is there to help you fight the power. And you are not alone, and never will be.
This is reality, a place where you can be your real self instead of hiding your real thoughts and feelings behind a mask. Also a place where you can receive the understanding, acceptance and support you are lacking in your regular life - which will also hopefully bring you some relief and respite in the midst of your struggles, and help you to create the kind of reality which brings you happiness instead of pain.
Hi Gray, that's one of the many reasons this place is so great so we have a place we can talk about how we really feel to others who understand us. This place helps so much because it is toxic for us to hold all of that inside.
You're right the ppl here are so amazing and truly care. Just keep coming back, it was surprising to many of us how much this place helps! We will help u step by step to get through this. Keep posting and hope to see u around here often. We will help anyway we can.
You're right the ppl here are so amazing and truly care. Just keep coming back, it was surprising to many of us how much this place helps! We will help u step by step to get through this. Keep posting and hope to see u around here often. We will help anyway we can.
Welcome to SF, with open arms
I am glad you joined and posted and opened up and have found it helpful already, the people here are incredibly amazing
Your kids need you a LOT more than you think, they truly do. They need you. Would you consider going to a couples counselling session? I think that might be very helpful for you. It is important to reach out for professional help too when feeling depressed and suicidal. We have your back We're here as your back up when things aren't going well, do as much as you can to help yourself and keep a picture of your children with you in your wallet, that will help you though this I think.
We care, want nothing in exchange but for you to feel a little better (hugs) if wanted x
I am glad you joined and posted and opened up and have found it helpful already, the people here are incredibly amazing
Your kids need you a LOT more than you think, they truly do. They need you. Would you consider going to a couples counselling session? I think that might be very helpful for you. It is important to reach out for professional help too when feeling depressed and suicidal. We have your back
We're here as your back up when things aren't going well, do as much as you can to help yourself and keep a picture of your children with you in your wallet, that will help you though this I think. We care, want nothing in exchange but for you to feel a little better (hugs) if wanted x
Your life is worth living and there will be many who miss you if you are not around. Please do not believe in the lie that no one loves you! Glad to hear you opening up in this forum but I think It is even more important if you can get in touch with a professional counselor to talk It out. Have you considered counseling?
Hi @cclun
Thanks for your reply.
I was in counselling for two years. It took a few attempts to see someone i gelt comfortable with. Alot of the time you are just brushed off. It helped to open up but it took a very long time to trust my counsellor. The problem is it was too expensive to carry on seeing her. It would take me a very long time again to be able to trust someone again. It's very difficult to feel love and I know that's because of this massive cloud we all carry around on here that tells us all the negatives in our lives and blocks out all the positives. I think if my kids weren't around then I'd have nothing left. I very sure that once Christmas is over my girlfriend will finish with me and my ex is talking about moving away to be with her new guy. I'm so scared of being alone. I know there are people that need me around but the ups and downs are so dramatic at the moment I just can't mentally cope with them. The lows are so bad and crippling it's just becoming so difficult. I've been through alot and the few that know what I've been through tell me I'm a fighter. I really don't feel like that. I'm locking everything away and that space is over filling now. I'm worried what's gonna happen when it all spills out. I'm on the edge and everyday feel like im getting closer
Thanks for your reply.
I was in counselling for two years. It took a few attempts to see someone i gelt comfortable with. Alot of the time you are just brushed off. It helped to open up but it took a very long time to trust my counsellor. The problem is it was too expensive to carry on seeing her. It would take me a very long time again to be able to trust someone again. It's very difficult to feel love and I know that's because of this massive cloud we all carry around on here that tells us all the negatives in our lives and blocks out all the positives. I think if my kids weren't around then I'd have nothing left. I very sure that once Christmas is over my girlfriend will finish with me and my ex is talking about moving away to be with her new guy. I'm so scared of being alone. I know there are people that need me around but the ups and downs are so dramatic at the moment I just can't mentally cope with them. The lows are so bad and crippling it's just becoming so difficult. I've been through alot and the few that know what I've been through tell me I'm a fighter. I really don't feel like that. I'm locking everything away and that space is over filling now. I'm worried what's gonna happen when it all spills out. I'm on the edge and everyday feel like im getting closer
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