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Can't Keep Going

Always Hopeless

Well-Known Member
#1
It's getting harder. I can't keep this up. I can't keep going to work, interacting with people and acting like I'm ok. Faking and hiding my pain and suffering is becoming too hard.
 

Always Hopeless

Well-Known Member
#2
I'm struggling to get out of bed, get ready and go to work. I try to work from home as much as possible but my boss doesn't want me to keep doing that anymore.

When I'm at work I get depression paralysis. I'm so depressed and feel such despair that I can't move or stand and have to sit down.

I feel like I'm not present. I feel as if I'm in a very long bad dream. This isn't real life and this isn't my life. This is hell.
 

Always Hopeless

Well-Known Member
#7
Sorry that you're struggling so much, @Always Hopeless . Not sure what may help you right now, but willing to hear you out if you wish.
I'm sorry, my story is too long for me to be able to write it again, but you can read my other posts if you want to know.

I was trying my best to keep it together at work while waiting to see if this school will accept me. This job pays so low that every paycheck goes into bills and I have nothing left over. I can't afford anything for myself. Not even basic healthcare because I don't get benefits. This job is such a big source of depression, in addition to the trauma I'm suffering from. My boss is terrible and she had this talk with me today that pushed me over the edge. I can't keep it together anymore. I almost quit.
 

Always Hopeless

Well-Known Member
#8
I'm so lost. I don't feel like I'm part of the world. Everyone and everything passes me by while all I feel is sadness, despair and rejection.
 

Always Hopeless

Well-Known Member
#9
I go to sleep and when I wake up it all hits me at once that this is my life. I can't believe that this is my life and I just want to run away or die.
 

Ash600

Of dust and shadows
SF Creative
SF Supporter
#10
I've come across some of your other posts. Man it looks like you've been kicked from pillar to post, anyone else in your position would probably be feeling the same.
I get you when you say how you don't feel a part of the world, it's like standing from afar, watching it spin by and not feeling a part of it. You mentioned about waiting for school to accept you. All I can say is that I truly hope that you will be, and so be able to kickstart a better chapter in your life.
 

Always Hopeless

Well-Known Member
#11
I've come across some of your other posts. Man it looks like you've been kicked from pillar to post, anyone else in your position would probably be feeling the same.
I get you when you say how you don't feel a part of the world, it's like standing from afar, watching it spin by and not feeling a part of it. You mentioned about waiting for school to accept you. All I can say is that I truly hope that you will be, and so be able to kickstart a better chapter in your life.
I am desperately praying for that. If it doesn't happen I won't have the strength to go on.
 

Nick

☆☆Admin-tastic ☆☆
Admin
SF Social Media
SF Artist
SF Supporter
#12
Hi @Always Hopeless I wanted you to know that I read this and it sounds like you're in a really hard place. I truly hope that you get some good news soon. You can always vent here as much as you need to.
 

johnDoen

Outsider in the Realm of Lost and Found
#14
It's getting harder. I can't keep this up. I can't keep going to work, interacting with people and acting like I'm ok. Faking and hiding my pain and suffering is becoming too hard.
I can't even focus on working, either. If you feel unable to hide your pain, then please find someone you can love and trust to talk about it. If there is no one like that around you, then I hope you are fine talking to us.

I was trying my best to keep it together at work while waiting to see if this school will accept me. This job pays so low that every paycheck goes into bills and I have nothing left over. I can't afford anything for myself. Not even basic healthcare because I don't get benefits. This job is such a big source of depression, in addition to the trauma I'm suffering from. My boss is terrible and she had this talk with me today that pushed me over the edge. I can't keep it together anymore. I almost quit.
I think you should quit this job if it's worsen your health. I dropped out of college for the same reason. Then again, with the ongoing pandemics, nothing can be guaranteed but maybe there are employment resources where you live. Stay strong.

I can't live with knowing that everyone who bullied me got in somewhere and I didn't. That I'm struggling like this.
It's more important to focus on what you can do and can be in life rather than others'. As for the bullies, they themselves may also struggling with something they don't want you or anyone else to know. Their successes can be used as masks, something to distract others from knowing their pains.
 

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