I have tried to keep going but there is no point. Since I got out of hospital, nothing helps. Everything is getting more intense and I cant keep control. I am so alone and no-one would notice if I just disappeared. I have everything I need and keep looking at the pile. I dont think I will survive to the weekend. I cant go to hospital - they will just send me home again after a couple of hours. I dont like my therapist - and I suspect she doesnt like me. She is away a lot of the time anyway (long service leave). I cant think of any reasons to keep going. May be this time I wont be found in time. I cant take the physical pain or raw emotions any more. It has to stop. Sorry this is so negative - seems like the only time I ever post is when I am desperate.