I hope being suicidal isnt permanent - I would hate to think we have to fight every day just to live. It does feel like this at the moment though. I dont have confidence in just being me anymore. I seem to have lost that in the last 18 months. I dont know how to keep going. It sounds so pathetic and feeble to me to be saying these things. I was always the one to do everything (and more) for everyone. Now that there is noone left but me, life seems so pointless. It would be nice to think a cure is around the corner but in reality this is not going to happen. YOu are right tho - there are many "what if"s out there.