I graduated high school in 2007.... oh you will find a career they said... oh you have time they said... oh everything will be good they said... what a load of fucking crap. I am 22, the point where I should have graduated college, moved out, and started a wonderful career in something. Sure the rest of my life would suck, but I could make enough money to distract myself enough where my family would not have to deal with my suicide. Sure I will die single, sure I will never have close friends, sure I will die a virgin, sure I will never be happy... but at least a career would give me something to do during the day and something to accomplish, and some money to distract myself from how miserable my existence really is. Instead I am stuck in a hole, can't even register for classes and know they will be of use till I have a major, the 1 fucking thing I have been searching for since I was 14. I hate this fucking job... I am working for family and while I love my relative with all my heart... I hate my boss and he refuses to separate the 2. I am not good at fixing things on rental properties... this is not my gifts and is one of the billion things that I am not good at. I am completely incompetent. I took this job because I knew that at some point someone in the family is going to need to know how to manage the properties... but no. He does not want me to learn the paperwork.... basically hired out the job I came on bored to learn how to do and has me doing shit that has no long term future. I have been to the colleges career center and found nothing.... I used the resources available to me to find a good job but there is not a damned thing out there Combined this with the damned economy where even if i wanted to get a entry level job... no one is hiring. Even that would not be enough.... I grew up without much in the money department and there is no way in hell I could handle doing it the rest of my life. I missed out on to much... I can't keep doing that.. The job is the big thing... but add that to the decaying relationships with my family... The relative I work for... I find myself angry with him since he can not separate our home life from our work life. I would love to be able to sit down and talk to him without work coming up.... but that never happens. My mother is constantly trying to subtlety bring me back to her faith despite the fact that it is a reason I am here, not a solution to it. My father and I have never been close... My aunt seems irritated with me when she often was able to be a voice of reason to me before, and we were able to talk about stuff. I can't handle this... At one point I remember having a fire in me that drove me to push myself beyond what was possible. At one point I remember being able to set my mind to things and accomplish them. At one point I remember being told I was a good leader... All those things have left me. Unless I find a career.... I do not expect to see next year. I can not live this way any longer. I hate life, and not one fucking major thing has gone right for me in my adult life. Please do not say talk to my relative because he does not listen to a damned thing I say.... or anyone says for that matter. I can't find other jobs.... and they would be just as triggering if they did not provide me with a life style to distract myself from how pissed off I am.