So I'm 25 years old. Been mentally ill since I was 12, complex PTSD is the main issue. Have been more or less well for a couple of years, just seeing a therapist weekly that I have a long and very good relationship with. Anyway, I was triggered badly a couple of months ago, and since then have remembered some traumatic stuff from my childhood that I had blocked out. Therapist has gotten mental health services involved, am being seen daily by two mental health nurses, was briefly in crisis respite last week. The point is that I'm doing things differently from how I have in the past - historically I have refused to engage with mental health services, or to really try to save myself, once I had decided I wanted to die, that was it, always culminated in an attempt. This time, I didn't want to die, it just felt inevitable, and the only way to end this endless cycle of suffering that never seems to get any better. But I want to live, I'm studying to become a clinical psychologist, I really want to work with young people, basically to stop them from ending up like me hahaha. So I didn't want to die, and I've been doing my best. Anyway, it's not working for me. Haven't eaten in two and a half weeks now, have endless time on my hands and an inability to concentrate on anything for more than five minutes (university semester is finished thank god). Have started to feel like I just don't care if I die. Have put all my affairs in order, as much as possible. I'm holding on until tomorrow, because I have an appointment with my therapist and I'd like to see her one last time. But yeah. I don't know why I'm posting this, I'm not looking for advice, or to be convinced not to do it. Just, didn't want to be alone, I guess. And obviously can't voice these thoughts to any of my friends/family.