I told my med dr yesterday that I was thinkiong about suicide again. Her reply was to call hotline before doing anything, then gave me different scrpit for depression. The last one put 30 pounds on me. And she asked about my dbt group, if I was still waiting for an opening. Even though I just told her my job is at risk, I live 30 miles away and would be seeking a new job close to home. I am not sleeping, have lunesta, which lasts two hours then i am up in pain all night andd go to work looking like hell and not thinking clearly. Since mid Sept, sent home from work three times due to my health issues and told not to come back until they call me. This past week was my first week back, they took a lot of my job duties away, and had the temp worker that filled in for me stay to babysit me and report how I was doing. The temp worker wants my job. There is just to much going on, i feel like there is no help for me so why keep reaching out? My medical dr is mad at me because my employment called her, or sent me over to the office every time they sent me home and asked that she take me off a our work disability. She refused, and made nasty comment to me that there is nothing meedically wrong with me and its up to my therapist and med dr to figure out. I started seeing a chriropractor, who obtained an mri from my back i had a year ago, he confirmed it was my spinal stenosis causing nerve pain in my legs.. People at work aare treating me like shit, even my best friend there is angry with me. My elderly mom is having major health troubles, which is another stressor. I spent day on couch crying, took one of my lunestas and slept for two hours. , dont know what else I will do tonight. There just seems to be absolutely no help for me. I cant stop thinking about things that have happened to me in th past month. I dont see any movement forward in my life. I have absolutely no family support. Cant see depression ever getting better. So why bother? I dont know why i keep waiting to do it.