Can't live like this anymore

[leeshagurlxx]

I've let things get so bad that I just don't see any other way out. For the past year I've pretended to be happy so everyone around me wouldn't suspect anything, and now I can't bring myself to talk to anyone because I don't think they'd believe me. Cutting isn't enough anymore. I have no job, my grades are so low I'll probably be kicked out of college, and I can barely even get out of bed in the morning. I have no future and I honestly don't feel like I have anything to live for. My parents will be so disappointed if they find out just how low I've sunk, and it's too late to fix anything.

I just feel empty all the time, and all I do is cry. I can't do this anymore. I'm not even living - I'm just a zombie. I've lost contact with most of my friends, and I'm too scared to talk to the ones I have left. I want to be happy again but I don't think it's possible. No matter where I turn suicide seems like the only option.

I want to finally do it tonight. I keep prolonging it, thinking that something will change, but it's only gotten worse. I'm even too much of a coward to get some help. I just want to fall asleep and never wake up again.

 

[total eclipse]

ah hun i am so sorry you feel so isolated so alone YOu need to talk hun to the councillor a teacher at your school okay Get help NOW hun you can do this it can get better okay you can go on leave from college and not get a failing mark because of medical illness then resume your education after getting help okay
I hope you can just go to college and talk to councillor there and get some help okay
Postpone your education for now until your get depression under control hun
talk to your parents they will go to school with you and get things arranged okay but do it
don't let it go any farther down hun
I promise you things can get better hun but you need to reach out to someone.

 

[kote]

i sorry to hear that you are in so much pain. ive been there and its not a nice place. As Total Eclipse said postpone your education as your health is far more important.
Life has a funny way of messing with us and directing us in ways we dont want.
this is just my advise - ( so please take it with a pinch of salt )

first find a good dr. and use a year finding the right mix of meds for you - yes i said a year!!! it can take quite a while to find that perfect balance. but along the way the other meds help too - dont get me wrong.

second - which personally i find the most use - is to take up a new hobby and something you will enjoy and look forward to each time. through that you may slowly make new friends.

i wish you the best of luck and if things fall apart you can always do it over again later - you have many years ahead. just try not to suffer now please.