can't live on further

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by sam p, Oct 10, 2015.

  1. sam p

    sam p Member

    Loved girl for two years, never had the chance for her to even meet me, I have gone through many suicidal phases, one attempt which included driving as far away from the house as possible into the paddocks break down at 2clock in .morning bogged flat battery and dying of thirst, the way it was meant to happen before all this, but was able to make the walk of shame back in the rain, passing all my tracks. Never had anything to do with my dad really and always lived and worked in isolation since I was barely 10 except for school, where I would be more of a loner at times. <Mod Edit:Methods>The girl which I've dreamed about spending the rest of my life with, had got Facebook, I sent her a request, as a lot of people she didn't even know sent her and accepted, but she rejected mine, it is now nearing the end of my chance, and I think I've lost. As a joke people will spread rumors about someone, but to the people who don't know me think they are true
    I have considered and was certain <Mod Edit:Methods>but changed my mind when I thought it was possible again, to be with her, she is very quiet, and I never get the chance to see her, I'm in boarding school about to finish, so is she, not even 100m away she is in the year above, but I am slightly older, with a break about to come up, going going gone... My attempts went in vein, left untreated and although I thought I was over suicide, it never left. I can't live knowing she will be with someone else, and possibly be hurt, with someone who wouldn't care for her as much as I do. There are many people out there who have had it worse than me but I just can't do it without her, in the following years I will have to take a big step and run my property, by myself, and life in general is getting better, but I'm going backwards now. If only I could be with her, I would give up everything of means and value to me, change my whole life just to be with her if she decided to be in town, or even a city. I just can't live with myself
    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 10, 2015
  2. solarflare

    solarflare Well-Known Member

    Cold harsh reality check, do not read if you are easily offended:

    --scroll down if you wish to continue--

    No girl is worth dying for. You will feel that way about a thousand girls.

    No human is worth dying for. Humans a frail and flawed.

    Why do you really feel the way you do? And is it something that can be fixed?

    PS: the moderators hate it when people mention suicide methods, dont take it personally when they come in and edit your post, they do it to everyone.
  3. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Hi there, I have edited your post as it contained methods, please read the site guidelines.

    I am really sorry for what you are going through but I whole heartedly agree with the above user that no one is worth dying for. I really hope you can make things less stressful for yourself. I think it would be a great idea to talk to a therapist about this as it seems to be affecting your life so much. I do hope that things get better eventually x
  4. sam p

    sam p Member

    thanks petal, and solarflare, couldnt edit it.