Can't live with; can't live without

Discussion in 'Family, Friends and Relationships' started by VALIS, Jul 26, 2011.

  1. VALIS

    VALIS Well-Known Member

    drink, eat, cry, cry, sleep...

    My ex is going away to Europe for 3 years to become a translator. He's having it all paid for by a rich old lady who (I am convinced) is trying to buy his 'affections'.

    He and I have been seeing a lot of each other the past month and we have missed being around each other; I know what people will say, that since I broke up with him he has every right to go anywhere with whoever he chooses.

    But I am afraid to be alone and fall into a worse depression than I am already in. I can't get off the internet. I'm between work and school.

    I'm drinking too much. Last night I was up eating (unusual), drinking a whole bottle of wine and looking at engagement rings online for literally hours.

    Today I can't get out of bed I'm so depressed. And this is !!!!without!! his company. I'm worried that without his support I will turn to suicide and ruin everything I've worked with in the past years while I was with him.

    Do you think it's better if I completely stop talking to him, my best friend and former lover, during the last 3 months he's in the country? Or should I find some way to enjoy his company without being miserable.

    I still love him and he still loves me. This complicates things. He knows it would never work out with us as long as he is stuck in his rut, so going to europe is his solution.

    This is such a confusing situation I don't even know what I'm dealing with. Sadness with him, sadness and loneliness without him, and the timing of when to stop seeing him, before or after he leaves.
  2. Speedy

    Speedy Staff Alumni

    Have you considered using video chat as a means of communicating with him (maybe through Skype, Google Talk, Yahoo Messenger, MSN, Google+, etc.)? It could ease your pain of not being able to see him on a daily basis. Losing a best friend hurts a lot, and I have no idea what losing an ex whom you still love and current best friend is like.

    The video chat and other means of communication is all I could think of for you as something you could do alleviate a little of the loneliness. :mhmm:

    Again, this is such a complicated situation. I wish I or you or anyone else knew exactly what to do in your situation. Maybe someone does and can explain their line of thought! :)
  3. VALIS

    VALIS Well-Known Member

    Still depressed about it. Crying all the time. Engagement rings and children making me cry everywhere I look. Still drinking too much. Gained a little weight because of it. Sometimes I've been thinking that I want to show him how depressed he's making me by visibly falling apart.

    Doesn't help that I have a lot of free time at the moment. I've spent a lot of days depressed around the house, sleeping too much, just reading and feeling sad and numb.

    I don't know what to do. He truly is making me sad and everyone around me has new exciting things in their lives. I have nothing but time until september.

    Makes me sick to hear him talk about leaving.
  4. Speedy

    Speedy Staff Alumni

    :( I'm really sorry to hear that his leaving is bringing you down so much. If I can do anything to help (listen, talk, etc.), just let me know.

  5. VALIS

    VALIS Well-Known Member

    Thanks Alex, you're super nice.
    I may take you up on that offer if things get any worse, like if it starts to become really unbearable, the depression
    Same offer for you if you need to talk to someone.
  6. Speedy

    Speedy Staff Alumni

    It's a deal then! :hugtackles:
  7. peacelovingguy

    peacelovingguy Well-Known Member

    Chatting by video - might be OK if your other half is coming home every few weeks for a weekend.

    Seems an unusual arrangement though - do you think he is being a gigolo or something?

    It's very immoral of him - he should stay with you.

    And the name of this elderly lady is? lol

    The very thought!

    Glad you got someone to talk to about things.

    I'm a hanging judge with relationships - if people do not measure up - you got to be ruthless.
  8. VALIS

    VALIS Well-Known Member

    Thanks, PLG. It's going a bit better, I'm still engaging in these bad activities but have been able to get up and do things.

    I even got a little part time job.

    But I'm still drinking (only when I'm around him) and I can't figure out whether
    1) it's somehow to show him that he's breaking my heart, or if
    2) it's because I can't bear being around him without changing my head and numbing my thoughts.

    At any rate, when we're not together I will not drink or smoke and will excercise etc, but as soon as I get in his company I polish off a bottle of wine in the evening. I can't stop myself.

    Hes making me feel horrible a lot of the time, even though we laugh the whole time as usual, but I need to try and enjoy the last couple months he's going to be here, because they will most likely be our last time together, since he's leaving for 2-3 years.

    It's depressing and the relationship feels very different, for example, I couldn't even imagine having sex with him without crying. Temporary intimacy, it would be unbearable. So I guess in that, that intimacy is completely off the table, we have already broken up. So sad to me.

    It's like I'm waiting at the gate for him to get on the airplane, in that awkward time when you've already said goodbye and are waiting for the plane to come take them away.

    Crying even now.
    Love is awful like this but even worse is that I'm losing my best friend. I am in purgatory and I am like a child, trying to act out to show him i'm not OK.