can't live with myself anymore

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by beautifuloblivion, Mar 21, 2007.

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  1. beautifuloblivion

    beautifuloblivion Well-Known Member

    So I finally managed to find a job, but I'm still a failure. I can't do anything right, my work is never good enough, and I'm tired of being griped at.

    I said something to one of my co-workers that was intended to be a joke, but everyone took it as me being arrogant and having an "attitude problem." Believe me, if there's anyone in the place with an over-sized ego, it's not me...in fact, I pretty much have zero self-esteem.

    I hate myself and I wish I could stop being afraid and get it over with. All I really want to do is die.

    My boyfriend called me last night and left a couple of really mean voicemails while I was in class. I'm 90% sure he was drunk, but he's still an asshole. I put up with him because no one else likes me and I'm teriffied of being alone. As far as I'm concerned, I'm worthless and I don't deserve any better anyway.

    I feel like I used to have so much potential...and I fucked everything up.

    The only person who cares about me is my mom, and all I do is upset her. I know how much it hurts her to see me so miserable, and I want to pretend to be happy so she won't worry about me...but I can't anymore.

    I don't know what else to say....just that I'm running out of reasons to live.

    I feel like everything would just be better if I were gone. :sad:
     
  2. You have no idea how these are the exact same thoughts I felt a year ago, and let me tell you, you and me can relate, I too felt that I was encountered with overwhelming odds that I could never get over and the BIGGEST OBSTACLE was the pain of feeling like an complete nobody. Everyday I felt like I was sinking into a dark hole and I couldnt breathe, I could never forget that feeling for the rest of my life. I'm a be honest, right now at that moment it's gonna feel like THE END, how there's no hope left, but ending your life isnt the answer. What I'm going to recommend to you next, may sound stupid and pointless but try it, it may expand your perspective on things and I know for me it helped, I still have shades of the person I was a year ago but doing this wanted to keep me living to this day. Take as long as you want take a moment and just close your eyes, lie on your bed and just breathe listen to yourself, your heart beat, your thoughts, think about the people you love and block out the negative and reality. Just being relaxed, will help you realize that you live for the ones you love and your heart lies with them.

    I remember reading in your post that "my work is never good enough" well in this world nothing's ever good enough because everyone is different, people have differnt expectations. Like if you do somenthing for one person, a next person can say the total opposite. You need to start doing what's good for you before you worry about what other people expect because you cant find any pleasure if you worry about your pain. Feel free to PM anytime you want I hope what I said above helps
     
  3. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    First let me assure you that you do have people here at the forum that care about you. I know we cannot be there in person, but we can in spirit. What stops you from becoming the person you say you once were? You have the potential to do and be anything you want. Don't let that slip away. Not good enough. How many times have I uttered those very same words. I feel as no matter what I doo it is just not good enough. But good enough by whose standards? I am not sure we can ever be good enough because no one is perfect. Even perfection is not good enough. But think about it. It may not be good enough, but was it enough? Each tme you make a difference in someones life, is it not enough? You smile at someone and make their day better. Isn't that enough for that person? You have improved the life of someone else by that simple random act. So sure, it is never good enough, but it is enough. I know there are many times when you have made a difference somewhere. It is enough. Please do not give up on yourself. You are worth the time and effort you spend on yourself to improve things just a little at a time. Make a difference in your life. It will be enough to start with and you can build from there. Please take care and stay safe. :hug:
     
  4. Amanda

    Amanda Well-Known Member

    Nothing would be better if you were gone... You are not a failure, or a fuck-up or any of the other nasty ways you described yourself. You have tons of potential, and you are not worthless, and you deserve the world, its your boyfriend who doesnt deserve you if he is going to be an ass.

    And its not true that no one else likes you, I like you. :hug:
     
  5. Raven

    Raven Guest

    This world would not be a better place without you, I can only echo what others have said, theirs a lot of people that care for you on this sight and think you are a good person.
     
  6. downmage

    downmage Well-Known Member

    I know the feeling and I can totally relate to that. That is something that I have to deal with daily. I am starting to appreciate the smaller things in life. I guess one has to start small, I am hoping more will come into my life if I am being appreciative of the little things. I feel that I have wasted a lot of my potential doing fucked up jobs that I had no interest in. Just try and take one day at a time luv.

    :cool:
     
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