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Can't Make Friends.

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Around the age of four, I was diagnoised with Asperger's Syndrome, a mental condition that can cause issues in a person's social development. However, I didn't notice any symptons until many years later. In the second grade, I managed to make a wide group of friends, and I got along with everyone. It was great.

Unfortunately, those friends that I had made have left me now. Apparently, my distastes for working out, drinking, and hitting on girls drew them away from me. I entered High School completely along.

In a desperate attempt to make friends, I joined an online forum a few monthes ago (No, its not this forum). This worked for a short time, I had myself a few aquaintances. But fitting in with others online soon became just as difficult as making friends in real life.

I wasn't hated, but I don't think I was very popular either. Often, people would brush me off, or completely flame me. Saying hello in the chatroom would only give me one or two replies from the ten people in there. I tried joking with those I was aqainted with, but usually the only replies consisted of "...".

Yesterday, I said the wrong thing in the chatroom. I'd rather not discuss it publically (PM me for the full story), but from what I can tell, my reputation was trashed. Nearly every member in the room, even the admin, started flaming me. I left immediately, but I plan on going back today to demand an apology. I know this is a pitiful excuse to leave an entire forum, but I feel ashamed about what happened in the chatroom.

Its strange. I've realized now that nearly everyone on that forum is a self-absorbed bastard, but... I just can't leave the forum. I've been on it for over four monthes now. I want to leave that site and never come back, but something is keeping me from leaving it. Maybe its the vast variety of cliques that hang out there. Or it could be the fact that nearly everyone on that forum is around the same age as me. I just want to fit in, to be part of a group.

School is no better, the only friend I have is a girl in my Math class who can just be considered a minor aquaintance at best. The people on that forum I mentioned brag about having over ten real life friends, I don't have any.

My medical condition is worsening too. I find it difficult to walk past anyone these days without thinking that they're bullying me in some way. This has caused me to lash out at people who were probably innocent, causing MORE harassement for me.

I just want friends. I want to fit in somewhere. So many people with friends who post here complain about their lives, yet they fail to realize how lucky they are to have friends for moral support. I'm not trying to bash anyone, I'm just frustrated. Why am I denied a social life? Why can't I fit in anywhere? I just want to know what I'm doing wrong. I'm tired of being alone.
Well, youve just made a friend here. Even if it is only the internet, i respect anyone who can be that open to a group of people they havnt met before. and hey , a friend in need is a friend indeed. :)
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