I have been struggling with anxiety and depression for over ten years now. I am in my senior semester at college about to graduate. I only have 1 month left. I am Type A personality and I promised myself I'd graduate Summa Cum Laude. I feel like I have NOTHING else to me except for my grade point average. It's all that I'm proud of and feel that I am in control of....well... this semester my anxiety and depression has been at it's worst. I can't focus in class, I am always lethargic (I'm also anemic, but they do not know the cause as it is not dietary..that's another story) I always have anxiety attacks in class because I feel like I'm trapped. My heart races and I feel the need to escape and get out of there. I have 8AM class and it is really tough for me to wake up and sit through a 2 hour lecture... so I've missed about 90% of my classes and I can still manage an A but I just can't do classwork anymore and I can't bring myself to go to class and now my grades are suffering. I feel like my medicines have dulled my creativity and some of my intelligence and I have trouble with word recall/short-term memory and feel like I'm in a constant brain fog. I can't articulate my thoughts out loud or even on paper anymore. I used to be an incredible writer until I got on medicine. I used to be extremely intelligent and now it's really a struggle. Nothing seems to make me happy or excited. I just want to graduate. I need a break. I have been going nonstop to graduate (taking summer AND winter courses) for 4 years straight now and have not had an academic break. I'm too anxious to do this anymore. I'm too depressed. I sleep all day and any chance I get. I'm too depressed to shower or go grocery shopping...I don't know what's happening to me. I feel completely unable to do the most mundane tasks. I just need help and someone to talk to. My boyfriend doesn't understand depression. My mom is going through too much right now and gets frustrated when I tell her what's going on because she thinks it's as simple as "just force yourself to do it!" when its NOT. My dad is more depressed than me, lost his job from opiate addiction last summer from an extremely successful job position and now lays around watching movies all day, refusing to get up to do anything. Am I subject to becoming him? Am I already him laying around all day? I never want to turn out like him. He is lazy and completely a broken man unable to care for himself. How do I get out of this stump?????? How do I do these small tasks? I feel so tired (anemia or depression induced or BOTH double whammy) that I can't do things. I am in bed with my eyes so heavy and feeling out of it. I tried leaving a voicemail to my psychiatrist but I couldn't articulate what I needed to say and ended up stuttering. I've never been so socially awkward. I don't leave my room. I don't socialize I get too scared and back out. I was always extremely "popular" in high school. I was social and took care of myself and had it all together. Now I'm just a mess.