I really can't pinpoint the anger I've been feeling lately and it scares me. I am not usually this angry or this hateful. It scares me to think that people hear the viciousness in my voice, people hear the anger, and I'm not normally like that. I'm not normally mean and vindicitive. Lately, all I've felt is this rage coarsing through me, like something snapped inside of me or some old memory surfaced but I can't figure it out. People have heard me on skype, people have heard the things I've said and they aren't nice. I apologize to anyone that I hurt or honestly may hurt. I feel like it's all making me spin out of control. Gah, i don't know anymore, i don't know what to do, I don't know how to even get the anger under control. I feel like it's got ahold of my throat and it's just squeezing the life out of me. So yeah sorry for those in the future that get the brunt of my viciousness...
how can one moment in time, one thing someone says(and no it's not you, so don't think it is), how can that make a person completely break down. How can that one person say one sentence and the tears start flowing. 'i miss the old you, wht happened to the old you" if you opened your eyes and you were paying attention, the old me hasn't been here in awhile. Instead of looking with eyes closed, open them and you would have seen the smile fading, the tears falling, the nights without sleep. You would have seen it all if youw ere paying attention, but you are so consumed with yo that you won't ever see
Kells :sad: Just want to let you know, that you can always email or MSN me or whatever, I don't care if it's full of anger. I know the feeling and I can handle others having it. :hug: Please let it out, that's better than holding it in.
Hun, we've all said some bad things on skype. We all get carried around with the moment. When we're in a conference like that things around bound to get heated. Hell i've said somethings i regret now. I'm here anytime x ps. sorry i missed you on msn earlier, didn't get to sleep till about 8am so i was fast asleep. Hopefully catch ya on skype later on tonight :smile:
i dont even care about the anger anymore..whatever it's something i have to deal with, things i say i take full responsibility for..i am who i am and that can't change. what bothers me so much now is that someone actually asked me what happened to the old Kelly. Mind you this person hasn't spoken to me in months, since december in fact and even then they weren't even really looking. They were looking past my eyes, past my lips, and at my chest and below, so of course he wouldn't know what the fuck was going on with me. I cut myself off from him for a reason, because I want nothing to dow ith him but in one full swoop he IM's me under a new screenname and tells me he misses the happy kelly. FYI there hasn't been a happy kelly in a long fuckin time. There hasn't been a moment that i haven't been filled with doubt over things ive done. I mean I've been happy at times but it always seems short lived. I hate the misery i live in at times..all i want is to be with J...get away from here and show him the love he deserves.
(I hope just getting that out made you feel a bit better. :hug: ) Keep directing your anger into creative outlets as you were, and maybe you'll find that it fades. If it seems not to, do keep in mind that you have support. Until then, I'm always around and willing to listen anything. Please be safe and take care.
BAH to fools who only want half person..BAH :hug: :hug: :hug: Speak soon, an I don't give a rats arse wether I'll be speaking to happy Kelly, sad Kelly, angry kelly or Hannibal Lecter Kelly (second thoughts I might give that one a miss :unsure: ).
Don't forget perverted Kelly, that's always fun :wink: Seriously though hun, rant as much as you like, it's ok. You haven't heard me in full rant mode yet! And you are my friend, though good and bad :hug:
Kells friends take the good moods with bad. The high's with the lows. You are my friend and i love you. Im willing to take the high with the lows and the perverted talks along with the burps :biggrin: Love ya hun x
