Can't really find a reason to live...

Discussion in 'Mental Health Disorders' started by Cosmin, Jun 28, 2008.

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  1. Cosmin

    Cosmin Member

    I'm in one of those moments in my life when it's all "good", my depression is huge and some not so good thoughts are running through my head. So I try to counter balance them with some positive stuff; problem is there's nothing positive about my life.
    - I have social anxiety (which is the main cause these next items)
    - I have no friends
    - I never had a girlfriend (btw, I'm 22)
    - I don't have a job
    - I'm not in a good shape
    - I don't have too many interests

    The list speaks for itself. How in the world will I ever get out of this state of mind and get better since I have nothing to begin with?
    The only thing that still keeps me going is fear of death (not god, not religion, but just inexistance) and the hope that maybe someday I'll be able to experience a small part of this life. Of course, that's like hoping to win the lottery.
    I really wish I could find some help because I don't feel I can do it by myself; it's just too much.
  2. darkrider

    darkrider Well-Known Member

    Today once again i am at rock bottom. its actually a rarity that i have a "good" day, by that i mean a day where im not feeling suicidal. i get so depressed i dont really say a word all day. then my dad shouts that im mumbling

    i have social anxiety. i am very shy and find it difficult to get out
    i have very few friends, i only see them to play sport anyway. i used to have lots when i was a kid but people grow apart
    ive never had a girlfriend (im 20). im too chicken shit to do anything
    i've never had a job. too anxious again
    I dropped out of uni. hated the course and had no friends. made me even more depressed. now in a state of limbo doing nothing every day for must be 9 months now
    have mild to moderate ocd. Im never happy with things. i spend most of my time daydreaming of a far away life situation
    i feel alienated. i dont feel like someone anyone would want to get to know

    Likewise the only thing that keeps me here is the fear of death and pain. and the miniscule hope that i could have a somewhat happy life. that things could be alright in the end.
  3. starchild

    starchild Well-Known Member

    I can relate to both of you as I am feeling very much the same way right now, with many of the social implications remaining the same. I'm only still alive in the vain hope that something may change for the better, or I may one day learn to actually like who I am.
  4. Insignificant

    Insignificant Account Closed

    i'm certainly no expert, but i would think taking even very small steps at a time to help change these things just might help. it's certainly worth a shot. i'm sorry things have been so difficult, but i honestly believe things can change. they have for me at least to some degree in all the years i've been workin' on it. it's worth a shot. please take care and stay safe. pm if u'd like.
  5. Anime-Zodiac

    Anime-Zodiac Well-Known Member

    It's understandable how your feeling. Being on this forum and on the net can be to your advantage though. Your not meeting or talking to people face to face and therefore expressing yourself can be easier. Also it might be easier for you to make friends.
  6. TheBLA

    TheBLA The biggest loser alive.

    I'm exactly in both of your situations, Cosmin and darkrider's. I am 21 years old by the way.

    It seems that every other 20+ something seems to have a girlfriend, a job, college education, friends and you have none of those and its really FRUSTRATING when your surrounded by them, you are the loser ugly black sheep in a swarm of perfect little white sheep.

    One thing I always realize from this forum is that you may feel alone in your life, like your the only one your age with no girlfriend, a loser among everyone, etc. when there's at least a few here who share your exact predicament, can really sympathize with you, you are never alone here.

    I always feel that way around everyone I know, I am the only one with no girlfriend, no job, etc. and this forum makes me realize I'm not alone in my thoughts and problems and I feel a bit better. I know you don't want to wish your predicament among others but its nice that there's those that will fully understand you when you talk to them about your issues, since they have the exact same ones.

    I've been here on these forums for almost three years and cannot even open up to anyone here. I hope to open up soon and be able to talk and exchange private messages and really get on chat and be able to talk to you two for instance, since I share your situation and know how you feel.

    Sorry that my post didn't really offer any useful advice but I feel for you guys and wish you the best of luck and that your problems are fixable, even though I many times feel its hopeless. You do have to take small little steps, ignore if you are behind everyone else, go at your own pace. Everyone here tells me that and I need to listen to it myself.
    Last edited by a moderator: Jun 28, 2008
  7. mike25

    mike25 Well-Known Member

    I'm sorry you've never had a g/friend man.
    You can work on getting in shape even if you have social anxiety. That really is an excellent virtue to strive for. People can see when another takes care of themselves, and they respect that - but primarily, it's excellent for the individual. Other things will follow. Don't keep thinking you have to please other people, and feelings of guilt will vanish.
    All the best.
  8. EmptyLife

    EmptyLife Well-Known Member

    I have similar problems. In addition, when I post them on various boards, people ignore them, while responding to others! So, what could be more ironic than that? Kind of like the cliche about failing at suicide...
    I am 44, have never even kissed/been kissed/held hands.
    I have been depressed since early childhood, have gone through all the barbaric (sorry, but I'm recalling some cruel therapists )psychiatrists and medications and hospitalizations, except for ECT, and have been unable to get better.
    Went through life without any friends and only in the past few years have had a few, for whom I'm grateful.
    Have been obese my entire life.
    Have had chronic ringing in my ears since I was 18 that has only gotten worse every year, despite the fact that I have worn ear plugs and never went to rock concerts.
    Have uncontrollable neck pain since late teens.
    Have uncontrollable Achilles tendinitis that means I can't walk to lose weight.
    Have never had a sexual response, and no one cares. Can you imagine all the times you've been horny in life and have never been able to find any relief? All they do is give me a blood test, then pat me on the head and tell me to find a sex therapist. Despite all our medical sophistication, I think we live in the Dark Ages as far as any of my medical problems.
    Have had tremendous fatigue all my life, and even though I've been diagnosed with MS and fibromyalgia, my neurologist claims it's my depression. Why? Because I have a "depressive outlook"?
    I have a hateful, negative, nasty family that I should never have been born into. I once took an overdose and nearly died, and no one even came to see me or sent a card. And the way I was raised, it never occurred to me that they should. As a matter of fact, all I got was criticism from various sources for putting strain on the family.
    Have lost my short-term memory.
    I could go on and on, but I think this is self-revealing -- and probably stupid -- enough.
    I finally had a shed built, and I managed to see if my car would fit in there a week ago, so I'm on the way to a peaceful suicide, if/when I so choose. I've never been a violent or vindictive person.
    Sorry to rant. Maybe some of you can see some of your own problems in here.
    I only rationalize it by thinking I must have been a Nazi in a previous life, because I have done nothing but suffer in this existence.
  9. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    I have been thinking about what your thread said. Are you religous? The reason I ask is it is a good place to find a brite sun shiny girlfriend. When I was in junior high I went to church four times a week. Three of each was for choir practice. I met a really nice girl. We moved awayto Texas and she wrote me at least once a week telling me she was waiting for me. When I was in twelth grade I dropped out of school and my parents kicked me out so I took off hitch hiking around the states. Then I joined the military and when I got out I finally moved back here to florida and she was still waiting for me. We went out a few times and I finally told her to forget about me that I was no good, I was strung out on drugs and wasn't ever going to make something of myself (those are my parents words,they drilled them into my mind for years). I know I broke her heart but it was better than dragging her around to the places I was hanging at. My point is you need to decide what you want in someone to help make you compatible with each other. Then you need to decide where your going to go to try and find your other!! Good luck to you. Stay Safe and Stay Strong.:chopper:.
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