Cant really think of a good title here..

Discussion in 'Mental Health Disorders' started by lulu rose, Dec 13, 2007.

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  1. lulu rose

    lulu rose Guest

    errrr hello again.

    I'm not sure if anyone remembers my complete bout of insanity last week, or 2 weeks ago. I cant remember how long it's been...

    I had started drinking to sort of.....well I dont know why. But yeah. Anyway. I drank link 2 bottles of wine, spiked one with caffiene pills.....which does nothing, but I thought it was the best idea in the world obviously. I was in chat at the time and I went mental. I cant remember what I said at all.

    I think I sent e-mails to some peoplem because I had a load of missed calls on my phone...

    Anyway, all I remember is that I had cut my arm up pretty bad and I'd decided I was leaving home. I felt like I wasn't getting any support from my dad, hes not the most vocal people on feelings and such......but really I know how much he cares. So I dont know why I was sure he diddnt care. Its just hard to see it sometimes if someone doesn't show it.

    Anyway, it's like 5am, I'd packed a bag, I know I did because it was on my back at 9am when I finally found my way to a local land mark and finally answered my phone to my dad. So yeah. I walked for hours in the freezing cold in the early hours of the morning.

    I remember my initial plan......through a drunken haze I'd decided I'd run away to our capital city here in wales "cardiff" and I'd live on the street until some form of gang or something picked me up and made me theirs. I diddnt care what they did to me, I'd feel needed if someone found me and took me in. Thats how I thought about it anyway.

    But after a while, when it was getting light. I sort of "woke up" well I say that but the problem is, I have like 4 personalities inside me.. Rose was the one who decided to go run away and get myself into some gang somewhere, because she doesn't care and she figured if I couldn't die, then I could at least live like shit. Jude (whos a guy in my head) was the one who cut my arm up, he hates me and just wants me to bleed all the time, he works with Rose from what I can gather. The one that woke up was the real me "laura" thats my actual name. Laura decided that this wasn't on, and first thought was, lets get to the hospital. But I was so drunk, no one could understand me. I was thinking straight, because Luara wasnt the one who was drunk...Rose was, but no one could understand. So I found the local landmark (a big park) and waited for my dad to call again.

    He wasn't angry, he found me and Laura demnaded to be taken somewhere right now to be seen by someone. Well that happened.....which resulted in an appointment at the hospital for 2pm the same day. I struggled to stay awake and not throw up until then.

    I saw the crisis team at the hospital and they talked to me for 1 hour, they told me how sedated I looked and I told them about my personalities. They asked who was talking. It was Laura. I struggled to write my friggin name! and I couyldnt recall dates at all.

    Anyway, they decided it was best to put me on meds, and make sure I get set up with a psychiatric nurse.

    I'm on citalopram now 10mg, upped to 20mg soon....sort of working, but not taken full effect yet. I am getting side effects though....not too bad though.

    So yeah, it resulted in something good, even if I went through hell to get it.........which is weird, since it wasnt the motive for actually leaving the house.

    If anyones wondering who the 4th personality inside me is:

    Sadie, a 10 year old girl, who soothes me and helps me sometimes. But she rarley helps now because shes scared to death of Jude and Rose.


    Yes, so if anyone was wondering, thats me for the last 2 weeks or so.

    Also sorry to anyone I offended, annoyed, anything that night I went loco..

    very sorry.
     
  2. RySp123

    RySp123 Guest

    Not to worry about it hun. You were not in full will power so no one can or will comment or take offense whould something had happened yet doubt it.

    What truly matters is that in all this you got the help you need and with proper care you can come out of it with time and support and from what I read, your daddy loves you so much and will be there with and for your all the way. Rely on him and try to start a dialog, a habit of comunicatin with him.... if you start doing it, you will teach him how to do it and will carry on copying you till it comes naturally to him to show what is inside him so you wont have anymore wonders about his love or else for you.

    lots of huggles to you hun and stay safe

    :hug:

    Granny xx
     
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