cant recognize myself

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by painfree, Jul 25, 2016.

  1. painfree

    painfree Member

    I dont really know when things started going wrong. I was sexually molested by my cousin brother when I was 9, had sleep troubles and issues like night terror and sleep walking for a couple of years till 13-14yrs of age. Kind of freaked out my parents.. And I decided to handle it properly. Didn't want to upset my parents and extended family. Considering how he was held up in pretty high esteem in our family for being the perfect boy with the perfect grades and all. And I did handle it all fine.
    I slowly got over the whole thing and all. I even had a couple of boyfriends but didn't really tell them all the details except that shit happened. Except the latest guy I met, we'd been best friends for 3 years and we started dating. And I told him every single thing that I've never told anyone in my life. And he's the best guy that could ever be there. Even now, except we are in med school, in our last year, and with the pressure of everything there wasn't time for us. So we broke up. And now all I feel like doing somehow dying in my sleep. I feel so depressed and lonely. At the end of it no one stays and I dont know anymore is it even worth the time putting effort for anything.
  2. painfree

    painfree Member

    I used to have so many dreams of doing things with my life. Now I barely recognize the person I am.
  3. DrownedFishOnFire

    DrownedFishOnFire Quieta non movere

    Am sorry about the trauma you endured when you were younger. What about seeking out help as sounds like you got a lot on your plate right now as medical school is make or break it for a lot people.
  4. painfree

    painfree Member

    I wish. There are a couple of times I've tried and then back out the minute I reach the door. Coz a lot of them are our profs and having to face them again later is too much. These days all I want to do is die somehow by accident so that no ones really upset and gets blamed about my suicide and I still get to die..
    Its so tempting to just some of the stuff they prescribe for myself.