Im a 21 y/o college student with a job and a smile. I work, I go to school, but then I come home and blowing my brains out crosses my mind for a split second. I cant relate. I cannot for the life of me relate to other people. I have friends, but I dont like any of them. I see them on the weekend, only to drink to the excesses of puking or pissing myself. I feel like im from a different planet; I can charm and entertain and somehow get people to like me, but I feel a disconnect. Its always there. I wish I had the balls to finish this, but im afraid of whats beyond. You see, Im an athiest, I believe in logic and science, and I know deep inside of me that the quiet silence of death is as much peace as a the void that is space. I feel all of these social and biological pressures pulling me each and every way. I life was simpler, but this life will not allow it. My genetics will not allow me, my consciousness, my parents, are apathetic to what I want as a spirit. TLDR; I want you to help me xxxx, why is this consumerist "I HAVE TO BE better than you lifestyle" better than the ultimate silence?