Cant see a way out

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Lybster, Nov 28, 2013.

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  1. Lybster

    Lybster New Member

    For the past 5 years I have slowly been desending into where I am today which is pretty dire. 5 years ago, I had a good job with everything to live for. Happily married with two young children. However I lost my job and financially we were struggling. Sadly I hid financial matters from my wife (so as not to worry her) and thought I could work myself out of the situation. But things got from bad to worse when the bailiffs called at the door and she found out everthing.

    She left me taking our two children with her and moved into a friends house. Work picked up but then went again and because I had to keep two houses going (where she and the kids were living and my place) I did something really stupid and committed a crime to obtain cash just to keep going. I therefore now have a criminal record and just cant find any work anywhere. The debt are now spiraling out of control and I'm about to be evicted from my rented flat as I can't afford the rent anymore.

    I have no where to go to this weekend and can't afford to put my stuff in storage or anywhere else as my friends seem to have disowned me because of all the shit stuff I have done and I dont blame them.

    I sleep 3 hours a night because I dont want the next day to start. I have no appetite and prefer alochol to dull the pain rather than eat. I miss and love my kids but really feel I have nothing left to offer them and feel so alone and desperate.

    People have said to me that suicide is a selfish act as the kids will always be my kids and they will love me no matter what but I can't give them anything. I will have no where to have them over and I can't afford to feed them basic things when I do have the opportunity to have them.

    So ending it all seems the perfect option to take away my pain and to ensure I don't ruin there lives any more.
  2. emily83

    emily83 Well-Known Member

    i'm not really the one to reply to this thread (seeing as ending it all is what i've decided is the only way out for me, too!) but i just want to say that you're totally not alone in your feelings- and keep posting. maybe together we can find a reason to go on (who knows)
  3. Lybster

    Lybster New Member

    Thanks for responding. I really can't see a way out. So so down and I feel that I'm unable to contribute to anything apart from self destruction. I'm just so low.
  4. emily83

    emily83 Well-Known Member

    i understand

    with me, it's losing the ability to control my own life- and i say this all the time, but only an individual can control their own life... and when someone like me has no goals or dreams, or no life direction- then what do you do when you can't answer your own questions
  5. justastrangegirl

    justastrangegirl Well-Known Member

    I'm so sorry that you're going through such a diffucult situation. I'm in no position to give you advice, but all I can say to you is that suicide might end your suffering, but it will destroy your kids' lives forever. No one ever gets over the loss of someone so important (a father), people just go on with their lives but they will always wonder what would happen if you were there.

    My sister (who's a year younger than me) tried to commit suicide when she was 15, and my youngest sister (she was 10 at the time) and I had to try lift her spirit up again, since our parents are not emotional and they just wanted to filled her up with pills. Now she's better and in a relationship that really makes her happy, she's about to go to Germany to increase her training as a horse-back-rider instructor.

    What I'm trying to get at is, you never know what will happen tomorrow. I know things are very dark now, and it's really hard to stay strong and stay positive, but I'm telling you, if you decide to end it all, there are going to be a MILLION things that you'll miss, and happy memories that you wont be able to create.
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