For the past 5 years I have slowly been desending into where I am today which is pretty dire. 5 years ago, I had a good job with everything to live for. Happily married with two young children. However I lost my job and financially we were struggling. Sadly I hid financial matters from my wife (so as not to worry her) and thought I could work myself out of the situation. But things got from bad to worse when the bailiffs called at the door and she found out everthing. She left me taking our two children with her and moved into a friends house. Work picked up but then went again and because I had to keep two houses going (where she and the kids were living and my place) I did something really stupid and committed a crime to obtain cash just to keep going. I therefore now have a criminal record and just cant find any work anywhere. The debt are now spiraling out of control and I'm about to be evicted from my rented flat as I can't afford the rent anymore. I have no where to go to this weekend and can't afford to put my stuff in storage or anywhere else as my friends seem to have disowned me because of all the shit stuff I have done and I dont blame them. I sleep 3 hours a night because I dont want the next day to start. I have no appetite and prefer alochol to dull the pain rather than eat. I miss and love my kids but really feel I have nothing left to offer them and feel so alone and desperate. People have said to me that suicide is a selfish act as the kids will always be my kids and they will love me no matter what but I can't give them anything. I will have no where to have them over and I can't afford to feed them basic things when I do have the opportunity to have them. So ending it all seems the perfect option to take away my pain and to ensure I don't ruin there lives any more.