Cant see clear anymore than killing myself, 22 November

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by LillMy8989, Nov 22, 2010.

  1. LillMy8989

    LillMy8989 Well-Known Member

    No doubt I'm in a crisis situation and willing to take this little of me that is left (I'm not missing I promise). But what is blocking me doing it..? I just wanna do it, NOW! Ending it. "I don't have a family"-thinking is driving me crazy and its my turn to be seen like a actually do know what I'm doing. I WANT To DIE!

    Why do we MUST to live in this shit, like a "cell", with no 'windows' to the outside-world what's happening, cops everywhere we're going, -"hey, you been taking something..?" -"Yes, my medicine.". And you making 'me' sick... DRA ÅT HELVETE!!!

    Why am I laughing out my fears when looking in the mirror I don't know, is he standing there, yet, laughing... who knows. I am know sick in head. I have to take painkillers everyday for what my doc. did to me when made the biggest mistake in the whole life and I could have been died by now, (actually I am.). He says that I have been the murderer who's been killing my own home, my cats, my property! Fuck the cops but I need SOMEONE to listen to me, if I get the chances for a 'makeover' I look terrible by now, but SOMEONE... Do, YoU, READ, ME.?!

    I feel so stuck and 'quiet', like I have such anger and feelings inside of me but cant get it to work, I don't know if I am 'alive' anymore, I looks literally like a zombie with dark circles around my eyes and with very pale skin it's not much to talk about. Feels like Im going up and down, i am angry of that and this and then it comes me over that I can't do anything about it and what happens... I go drinking and shut all doors and mobiles for like 3 days then I comes out like a birdy with a 'smile', -"nothing wrong with me..". Shit, I need I drink now, but my I rather kill myself, I do.

    Everything I can't stand it no more, I wanna die calmly with no funerals or such shit, I wanna be rotten flesh to the animals, ye, why not..? The animals is in the same need as I am so...
    I Have so much thoughts going on for every steps I'm taking, and it's hard, is is hard, I don't wanna live with people that I can't trust and rely on , what is the point in that..? Life is made for enjoying, but us who doesn't want/can? We are in the same boat, different thinking but same goal, same train, the train for changing, forever.

  2. All these mixed emotions

    All these mixed emotions Well-Known Member

    Hey bro or sis

    Sorry about the situation

    Could you maybe explain youre problem more specific? It seems that plenty stuff is bugging the crap outta you? Ofc the world is shit, but how is youre situation, there is a family? You cant rely on them?

    What has the cops to do with anything? (more than being a pain In the ass)

    Do you often think about death?

    & annars är allt bra med dej? :)