I'm new here. It's been a rough year for me. I'm 25. I was in a behavioral center earlier this year due to almost committing suicide and I'm not sure things have improved at all since. I can't get a real job, just shitty restaurant and retail positions that I quit because my anxiety and depression can't handle them. I'm back to living with my mom because I can't afford to pay all of my bills along with rent. I hardly have any friends anymore and none of them live here. I'm a massive failure and my dad (who died when I was 17) would be so disappointed in the person I've become. I just can't see the light at the end of the tunnel. I really don't see any of this getting better. I really don't see the point in living anymore. I'm so tired of suffering and I want it to end.
Can't See the Light
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What's more, I live in Ohio and it's just the worst possible place for me. I loathe it and every time I try to leave I fail, run out of money, and have to come back. I want out of here so badly but I feel like it's never going to happen. I know I won't have anything to stop me from killing myself if I have to stay here much longer.
Hello and welcome to SF.
We can never see the light when we're in a tunnel. Ironically, it's only when we get out of the tunnel and with the light on, we can look back and see the way. It doesn't mean that the way isn't there. You will struggle and stumble, and it's expected when you are in the dark. I hope you remember that you are so much more than anxiety and depression and the jobs that you are not getting. Depression makes everything dark and blocks your view of the rest of everything. It's a vicious cycle because the darker you see, the less likely you will try to get out. But trying, even in the dark, is the only way to see the light. Please hang in there, we are here for you always.
We can never see the light when we're in a tunnel. Ironically, it's only when we get out of the tunnel and with the light on, we can look back and see the way. It doesn't mean that the way isn't there. You will struggle and stumble, and it's expected when you are in the dark. I hope you remember that you are so much more than anxiety and depression and the jobs that you are not getting. Depression makes everything dark and blocks your view of the rest of everything. It's a vicious cycle because the darker you see, the less likely you will try to get out. But trying, even in the dark, is the only way to see the light. Please hang in there, we are here for you always.
Hi there, sorry to hear you are going through so much. Sorry about your dad’s death. Sometimes someone whom we are really close to pass on, all they leave behind its a huge big space or void that nothing seems to be able to fill up. But instead of looking at the void, by focusing on all the memories you guys had togethe, might make living more bearable. I know it’s hard and some days just seem so weary to take another step forward. But there is hope. You can move beyond this state of depression. Do you live near any church?? I know some churches do provide free counselling. Good to talk to someone and re think about how you can change your thoughts around. Be well and take care. God bless.
Thanks for the kind words, everyone. It means a lot. I've tried therapy multiple times in the past (and recently too) and nothing has come from it. It's just hard to see HOW I can ever get better if no normal method seems to have much of an effect.
Also, I think for me, it's hard to find any will to live without any friends. Besides my mom and sister, I truly don't believe anyone would care if I was gone. There would be the, "aww, she was so young!" but that's it and no one would spare me a second thought. I want to mean something to someone who isn't obligated to care about me (i.e. my mom and sister), but with my sort of recent inability to make friends, I don't see this ever happening again. It's just hard to find any will to keep going for a lot of reasons, but this is a major one.
Also, I think for me, it's hard to find any will to live without any friends. Besides my mom and sister, I truly don't believe anyone would care if I was gone. There would be the, "aww, she was so young!" but that's it and no one would spare me a second thought. I want to mean something to someone who isn't obligated to care about me (i.e. my mom and sister), but with my sort of recent inability to make friends, I don't see this ever happening again. It's just hard to find any will to keep going for a lot of reasons, but this is a major one.
I used to think that my existence took up unecessary space on earth and that my family and friends can do without me. I used to think I create my problems for them and that I’m utterly useless. My religion helped me. My faith in God and Jesus helped me to face another day, one day at a time. I’m not sure if you are believer or if I might run a risk of incurring disgust from you if I talk to you about my religion but the good news is too good not to be shared. The day when I believe that Jesus came and die on the rugged cross for me, it’s the day I was freed. I’m free from my own judgement of myself, free from expectations that are unrealistic and above all, I’m free because I know who I’m living for and that’s all it matters. I hope this might stir something inside you to search for the truth. Praying for you. May God’s peace be with you.
Hello. I just came across your post. Mostly because I wake up every morning wanting to die for my own reasons. My reasons are all self-created - since I am a horrible person. But for you, it sounds like you are just in some challenging circumstances. One thing I beg you to try is EMDR therapy. It is revolutionary and may help with what you are going through.
Also, it is always helpful to help others when you feel so down. Volunteer somewhere or just listen to other people’s pain on these forums. Offer help. It will relieve your mind, if only for a moment.
Also, it is always helpful to help others when you feel so down. Volunteer somewhere or just listen to other people’s pain on these forums. Offer help. It will relieve your mind, if only for a moment.
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