Can't see through the fog

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by not important, Aug 12, 2007.

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  1. After a recent failed attempt I find myself trying to open my eyes and see around me again. I am ashamed that I chickened out or a more violent method and opted for a less painful one only to fail. I am pathethic. I fail at life and I fail at death. I do not even know what to do next. I have cried for days and even being suicidal I think "why bother" as I can't seem to kill myself anyways. I finally thought to come back to SF and see. But I dont know what to say. I am embarrassed. I have attempted several times and when I do I close my account like an idiot which only looks even dumber. I also dont even know how to ask for support at this point. I am so wiped out by trying to die and I dont want to live that I dont know what kind of help to ask for. I dont want to be alone and I dont have anyone in the real time world to talk about this stuff so here I find myself again. Am I crazy??? Has anyone else been like this? I am scared and I feel lost out here alone. I need to find a friend. Thanks for listening.
  2. I guess reaching out for another chance was my mistake.
  3. letdown

    letdown Guest

    :hug: Sometimes you need to talk to yourself here before you get a response.

    I don't think the internet can replace someone in the real-time world who you can share what you're going through and who can offer professional support but it's completely understandable you reached out here.

    I haven't been in the place you're describing for a while now but I have in the past.

    Do you have a mental health team, social worker, CPN, or therapist? Maybe it'd be a good idea to try and establish some kind of support network in your real life. You sound like you're in a very very tiring and difficult place at the moment. There are people who will listen to you and help clear the fog you're in.
  4. Thank you letdown for responding. I have been through the real life professionals and have not had success for reasons I am not sure. I have tried various types of therapy and different doctors and medications but I only seem to last a bit then fail and fall back into suicide thoughts and issues. I am sure I am not alone in this cyle stuff and I am not sure what to do. I turn back to sf as even when I get bad, the site seems to hold me together for a bit longer until I finally give out and go attempt. Maybe if I can figure out how it keeps me together I can see how to do it longer?? Maybe I am just grasping at straws, I dont know.
  5. letdown

    letdown Guest

    That sounds like a good idea. It sounds like you can listen to yourself closely and that's really important in just surviving sometimes.

    I'm not sure how long you tried therapy. Recently I had to go through 7 initial consulations to find one I liked! I can safely say that if I was with someone I didn't click with or like, I'd go nowhere. Maybe that's what happened to you in your therapy sessions. Or maybe the therapist wasn't listening to you or sessions didn't last long enough. Personally, it was very tiring trying out all those therapists but seeing as I've known how much therapy and reliable emotional support helped me last year, I knew what kind of therapist I was looking for.

    Maybe what you need is something long-term, rather than short term counselling/therapy? (I'm assuming the therapy you went through maybe was for under a year?) It really does help to go to someone every week where you can just let them know what's going on in your life, maybe it won't "cure" your suicidal feelings immediately but establishing a healthy theraputic relationship with someone can help a lot in exploring what exactly is making or beneath the feelings you have. That doesn't mean you won't fall back into suicidal thoughts, maybe the thoughts will take a while to go because there's something deep rooted causing them, something that may need to be talked about in a safe environment?
  6. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    Can I just add, make sure its a therapist and not just a counsellor. Usually cyclic depression has an underlying cause and tho a counsellor is good for getting people thru short term depression/trauma etc. Only a qualified therapist or shrink will have the necessary wherewithall to get to the bottom of it all. :hug:

    ps: glad u came back
  7. I am not sure a professional would be of any service right now. I have spent so much of my time with them and made no real progress. For all the sessions and medications I still continued to self harm and attempt suicide and basically live messed up. I honestly cannot see any point in trying another doctor.

    I am trying to figure out what to do on SF and have not signed back on yet but would like to. I think at least for a little bit it may give me some comfort while I think things out. Of course I have some natural fears of being disliked etc just like most folks do when they join groups. I think I just feel a little lost and alone is all. I am also wondering if I should stop my medication or not.
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