I've just realized that I don't have any goals for my life. No purpose at all. I used to study in college and graduating to define my success. I was working a good job to define my capabilities. Plus I had boyfriends to define my attractiveness. Now I dropped out of grad school, quit my job, and broke up with my all my boyfriends. I have no identity. I'm just blowing in the wind. I'm on disability and taking all kinds of psych meds because I'm so mentally ill. I've been sick since 15 and now I'm 44. I have no husband, no children, and no normal life. I've been watching the news about the Phillipines and it is too disturbing for me so I had to change the channel. I realize I have a low tolerance to life stressors and seek comfort and support with mentally ill patients and the guidance from mental health professionals. My life is very small. I have no friends yet I push them away. I'm a loner. I don't seem the point of existing really. I was having a thought that since it is wrong for me to kill myself, then I hope I get killed in a car crash, natural disaster, murdered or any other way to not exist anymore. I'm a burden to society.