Can't seem to escape this...

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by brknsilence, Jun 28, 2016.

  1. brknsilence

    brknsilence Well-Known Member

    So exhausted and frustrated I still feel depressed. Can't escape this torment within myself. So tired of dealing with this. Just wanting it to end.

    I am safe for now. Just really upset
  2. I'm going through the same shit. the best thing to do short term is to find an outlet an escape. Maybe going to the gym lifting weights or hitting a punching bag or hey flipping random people off on the road haha. Medication is only to be used if there is just NO OTHER WAY. the worst thing to do is to get on a RX med b/c odds are you will be on it for the rest of your life once you start. long term? not sure. gotta take it one day at a time. try to get laid might help but for me that just doesn't work b/c I'm looking for something serious not some whore who sleeps around like a slutbag. this world really is shit but at some point you just gotta say fuck the world and BE WHO YOU WANT TO BE.
    Petal likes this.
  3. brknsilence

    brknsilence Well-Known Member

    Thanks - I been on meds, endless therapy, and numerous hospitalizations. So done with it all. Just trying to get through each moment. Hoping, maybe, I will find some joy. I don't know. I feel like crying. Such a mess and exhausted in being this way.
  4. JMG

    JMG Well-Known Member

    Sorry you are feeling upset like that. I too am feeling that way right now. I don't know if something triggered you feeling that way or if it is just a mix of things that piled up & made things seem so overwhelming like that. For me there is something that kind of triggered it which I realize will prob sound kinda dumb but it is what I am thinking and feeling anyway.

    Both my mom & I don't really have friends. My feelings about this go up and down each day. Sometimes I'm indifferent about it (when I'm feeling a bit "stronger" I guess) but other times I realize it is a bad problem and that I should try harder to do something about it. But anyway yesterday my mom said she called up some guy she hadn't talked to in a lot of years, like over a decade, and now she has plans to go to dinner & a movie with him! And he's willing to pay! So the thing I'm upset about with it is just that it's so easy for her if she wants to go & do something with someone in terms of the person being willing to make such an effort with her.

    With me there is not 1 single person on this planet that I could do that with. The one ex-coworker that never calls me but that I still consider a "friend" somewhat since he's at least always been nice to me when we do see each other, when I've tried in the past to ask him about spontaneously going to do something (he said before he doesn't like to make plans so I don't bother doing that, he said he likes to do things more spontaneously) he pretty much always says no. I am feeling esp. frustrated about this right now because there is something that will be happening near the beach tomorrow that I want to go to but I truly despise going there alone. I never enjoy myself even 1% but when I have someone to talk to then it changes everything and I pretty much always have a nice time.

    Anyway trying to stay positive about things, maybe I am just comparing my life to my mom's too much or something. I just wish I had the same level of charm she seems to have with people, that there was someone I could just "call up" like that and that would be willing to take me to dinner & a movie. Neither of us has much $$ at all but in her case it just kind of seems like she doesn't really have to worry about that as much as me since all she has to do is call up an old friend. I would do pretty much anything to be able to have that be something I could just do as well. The fact that I can't just really makes me hate life because I feel I deserve to at least have that be how my life is too. Esp. after how utterly miserable my childhood was. If people have a crappy early life then the adult part is supposed to be "better" but in my case it has just all been crap, childhood & my adult life too so far. Things just feel extremely sucky right now & I don't know what to do at all.

    If someone could please reply with some advice about how to feel better about any of this I would be so grateful to get some perspective here, I can feel that it is cos of my thoughts and feelings that I've been sucked into such a crappy mood but have never been good at being able to pull myself out of them. Someone giving perspective is the only thing that ever ultimately really helps.
  5. brknsilence

    brknsilence Well-Known Member

    So sorry you been going through stuff like this. I rarely talk to anyone around where I live. I don't make much effort to try. Know I'm always here to talk to and listen. Hugs
  6. DevotedBaker54

    DevotedBaker54 New Member

    I'm sorry you're so upset! It sounds like you are trying everything since you have medicine and are in therapy.
    In one of your comments it says you feel like crying. I would suggest doing that! Avoiding feelings never seems to work out for me. I'm in the human services field and I spend my days listening to depressing stories and my manager always says that if you want to cry, then do it!! Holding in your feelings only hurts yourself.

    So that's my little piece of advice. I hope things start looking up for you soon!! :)
    brknsilence and Petal like this.
  7. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Sometimes just taking each moment and getting through it is the best one can do
    I am glad you have a manager that understands
    Hope tomorrow more joy can come into your day thanks for reaching out to me and making my day better brksilence Hard i understand hugs to you
    brknsilence and Petal like this.
  8. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Each day as it comes darling, you knowI am always here for you no matter what xox
    brknsilence likes this.
  9. brknsilence

    brknsilence Well-Known Member

    Thanks everyone. Still struggling and it's been getting too much for me to handle. My plan is to tell my dr when I see him. Maybe switching meds might help. Upping the dose hasn't helped. Just exhausted in dealing with this.