My doctor and my shrink have got me all screwed up on my meds. I have been so down I am finding it hard to just get out of bed. Monday and Tueday I just slept all day and all night. The rest of the week I have been dragging myself out of bed around noon. This is way unusual for me because normally I'll sleep about two hours a night and maybe three hours a day. My depression is so bad that I can't focus on anything very long.I haven't driven anywhere because I don't trust myself right now. I haven't been this far down in a couple of years. I am suicidal and have it all planned and a date set to do it. I am feeling worthless, angry, critical of myself, life not worth living, unloved by my daughter, used, and several others etc.etc. It just seems like when I try to do something it's not good enough. I just don't care anymore and want it to be over!! My life has never been heading anywhere, I have always been a failure. I try to be nice to people and they always screw me and I just keep coming back for more because I feel deep down there has to be some good in everyone.(wrong). My parents never wanted me. My mom was pregnant between my brother and me. She lost that baby and they decided not to have anymore and then I came along. I have been told several times while growing up that I was an accident, That I will never grow up to be anything. Well they got there wish I am a total failure. I have disappeared twice in my life for like six years. No one knew where I was and I liked it that way. The second time I diappeard my oldest sister and her husband hired a private dick to track me down. Why? No one wanted me around I guess they figured I would rub off on them. I only know one thing for sure and that is I want to end it soon. I have no fear because I have been down this path several times. Well enough of my shit, go read somebody elses problems because mine don't matter!!