Okay, so this is a lot different from the usual posts I make here. Right now, I am the most stable I have been in a few years. No depression, no mania, just me on an even keel. Life is treating me well and everything is going well in general. I would even go as far to say that I am happy. But I do keep getting troubling thoughts. For as long as I remember, even as a small child I always knew that I would die by my own hand. Even before I knew what suicide was I knew that one day when the time came I would kill myself. And I can't shake this feeling. I can't get it out of my head that when the time comes, whether it's tomorrow or in 50 years I will commit suicide. I certainly don't want to commit suicide at this moment in time, I am happy and life is good. I'm not in any danger nor am I suicidal. But I just can't shake these thoughts. I don't understand why I still think of suicide even when I am stable. It doesn't make any sense. Maybe these thoughts will lessen the longer I am stable and disappear eventually. Don't get me wrong, I am not thinking of this all the time, just every now and then but it troubles me that these thoughts are there.