It is 5 in the morning here, and I’m kind of desperate to talk to someone (and don’t want to worry my friends or housemates…especially at this hour.) I’m 22, a recent college graduate. I have dealt with an anxiety disorder and bouts of depression my entire life. Sometimes I wonder if I actually have the fortitude to make it in this world. I feel like I can’t cope with anything. Everything has gone fantastically wrong recently, my admittedly problematic relationship ended when my partner started using again and slept around while high, my position at the university which was supposed to last for another year was terminated due to funding errors and now I need a new job and place to live, my best friend is moving across the county, my health is terrible, my summer plans (working with a non-profit in India) were squelched due to my job termination, I am struggling financially, and I have no energy or motivation to do even the smallest things. I have parasuicidal thoughts and actions, but I am all too conscious of the severity of the consequences on my family. I feel certain that if I did not have the kind of family that I do I would have killed myself by now. I do and don’t do a remarkable number of things because of guilt.