Can't sleep.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by bug, Apr 20, 2007.

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  1. bug

    bug New Member

    It is 5 in the morning here, and I’m kind of desperate to talk to someone (and don’t want to worry my friends or housemates…especially at this hour.)

    I’m 22, a recent college graduate. I have dealt with an anxiety disorder and bouts of depression my entire life. Sometimes I wonder if I actually have the fortitude to make it in this world. I feel like I can’t cope with anything. Everything has gone fantastically wrong recently, my admittedly problematic relationship ended when my partner started using again and slept around while high, my position at the university which was supposed to last for another year was terminated due to funding errors and now I need a new job and place to live, my best friend is moving across the county, my health is terrible, my summer plans (working with a non-profit in India) were squelched due to my job termination, I am struggling financially, and I have no energy or motivation to do even the smallest things.

    I have parasuicidal thoughts and actions, but I am all too conscious of the severity of the consequences on my family. I feel certain that if I did not have the kind of family that I do I would have killed myself by now. I do and don’t do a remarkable number of things because of guilt.
  2. Sunset

    Sunset Member

    Bug dude,

    What you wrote could be copied and pasted as a post from me too. Recently my life has been falling apart. My depression has finally started affecting my job. Lost dreams, lost opportunities, friends moved on. My life has always been a roller coaster, but this time it seems be like a perfect storm.

    My parents are the only family I need to care about. It's only them that maintains a link to the future. Recently I haven't been able to find a reason to want life. The things I used to care about - hobbies and stuff - now actually have no value. It's scary, and I find myself crying regularly wondering what the heck happened and where life has gone. I have no energy or enthusiasm for life anymore. I just want the pain to stop.

    The truth is that I probably don't have the melons to anything dramatic, although it's been on mind daily for weeks now. I'm 38 BTW, so it makes me feel sad that you guys in your early 20's or younger can't see any future - although I was there too.

    From my point of view, you at least have youth on your side. You have time on your side. They're powerful friends. I hope you can ride the storm.

    All the best there mate.
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